BLOG-ROYALE

Blog-Royale June 22

2011-06-21T21:59:00.001-04:00

Yo, it's been a while...wanted to share a few things I've enjoyed doing in 2011, so as to take this blog slightly more up to speed.

'Ghetts - Who's on the Panel' article HERE.

'Angles - A Short Essay in Ten Parts' article HERE.

My Domino Radio Show 'Hands Up Who Wants to Die' HERE.

Tom Vek fanzine introduction HERE.

My new band's first single available digitally HERE and physically HERE.

Peace.

x

Blog-Royale October 3

2010-10-03T05:58:00.001-04:00

So this is pretty much one of the scariest things I've ever seen.

I'm just happy I wasn't a child in 1973 -

In less scary news, my friend Dev and I have a new blog about hip hip and movies, called 'The Filmatic', and it's right THURR!

x

Blog-Royale July 4

2010-07-04T07:00:00.008-04:00

It's not often I meet famous people. I mean, there was Lizo Mzimba, four fifths of Hear'say, Lloyd Grossman, Stingray from Neighbours, Jermaine Jackson at Harrods once...Warwick Davies twice. Like I said, it's not often I meet famous people.

A few Thursdays ago I had an encounter which was no exception, so please don't get excited. To set the scene, I was out with a friend at a club/bar. (N.B. I'm not a massively clubbing barring type, but occasionally I have found myself unexpectedly out of an evening, at a club and/or bar. I think the place in question is more of a club than a bar, but I'm not sure. If anyone knows the parameters/key differences, do fill me in - There's a comments section.)

Anyway, I was having an okay time, and felt like stirring up some conversation. Whilst in the little outside smoking area patio with a friend, we were introduced to an American named John. After exchanging brief pleasantries, he told my friend and I that he was a screen writer, although he didn't seem too forthcoming with the details of his work.

"Anything I might have seen?" is generally the 'go to' question for laymen such as myself when speaking to people in the movie business, and he responded by telling us about how he'd written a film called 'A Mighty Heart' that hadn't done too well at box office. It was clearly no 'Night at the Museum 2' as I had no recollection of the film, asking him if he was mistaken and had in fact meant 'Crazy Heart' or 'A Mighty Wind'. Probably not the best question to ask a Hollywood screen writer with cool glasses, but at least it got him to drop the bomb, revealing that he'd also written extensively for Steven Spielberg's 'Band of Brothers' AND had a CGI film about owls coming out (!).

Point taken.

Now that he'd cemented his legendary status in our minds as well as his own, conversation began flowing. We started to bounce around opinions about films and their stars, and when we got onto the subject of our favourite British actors, John beckoned a friend of his over to join us.

The friend in question seemed jovial, and as we were already on the subject of British actors, he asked me who I'd put in my top five. (un)Luckily for him, this is a topic that I often go over and over in my head, almost as if practicing for this very conversation, so I was immediately ready with a few names, that I think you'll agree more than earn a place at the table of champi(gn)ons.

In no particular order:

Tim Curry (1946 - now)

Greatest roles: The hotel manager in 'Home Alone 2', Wadsworth in 'Clue', Pennywise in 'It', Lord Greville Boynton in 'Agatha Christie's Poirot: Appointment with Death.'

John Hannah (1962 - now)

Greatest roles: Jonathan Carnahan in 'The Mummy', Jonathan Carnahan in 'The Mummy Returns', Jonathan Carnahan in 'The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor', Dr Gerard in 'Agatha Christie's Poirot: Appointment with Death.'

Christopher Eccleston (1964 - now)

Greatest roles: Stephen Baxter in The Second Coming, Seminar Leader in eXistenZ, Frank Carter in Agatha Christie's Poirot: One, Two, Buckle My Shoe

David Suchet (1946 - now)

Greatest roles: A bigfoot hunter in Harry and the Hendersons, all 62 episodes of Agatha Christie's Poirot.

...

But before I could think of number five (looking back, it would have had to be Sean Bean for the win), or get on to the finer points of Curry's performance in Muppet Treasure Island, I realised that I kind of recognised the guy we were talking to. Not John who we'd met first, but his friend who was also wearing cool glasses). It slowly dawned on me that I'd seen him in loads of films, but I couldn't quite put my finger on his name.

Identifying him was especially hard with the glasses he was wearing. I've included an artist's impression of what I saw that night:

As I'd only named four out of my five favourite British actors thus far, it dawned on me that if I managed to find out this guy's name, there might be a 7/10 punchline available to me a few minutes down the line in the conversation. So I waited for the duo to get distracted and then leaned over to my friend to whisper something along the lines of "I swear this guy's in Harry Potter and the 2006 Omen re-make, what's his name again?" ... I was pretty sure that the response I heard was "David Lewis" although looking back I'm not so sure.

But being the 'upset everyone, ask questions later' guy that I am, I went straight in for the grand finale, expecting high fives and roars of laughter all around me.

"My fifth favourite British actor is a guy you probably haven't heard of, but I think he's pretty special - he's called David Lewis".

Silence.

After a few seconds, David Thewlis scratched his head and replied - "David Lewis?...does he play the dad in Billy Eliot?"

Wipeout.

Blog-Royale May 30

2010-05-30T15:01:00.005-04:00

I just received this email from a friend, and thought you might enjoy it as much as I did. I've censored some of the names to protect identities...

"Here are some things you'll be interested in, that no one else really knows about because A: No one cares and B: I really don't talk to anyone anymore :

The day before I came out to L.A I went on a date. yeah you heard me. A date. With a 35 yr old. Yeah you heard me again..
She owns restaurants and music venues in NY. Like four pretty big ones. I'd actually forgotten what she looked like, turns out she was.....

Not that hot,
Anyway. She's actually going to be in L.A for "vacation" next week.

Next. I went to a party with ***** ***** recently. (VERY HOT.. seriously.) and she was talking about setting me up with a friend of hers who's an actress (because I said to her.. I want to start dating actresses. My logic - all girls are completely crazy insane and don't really care about male feelings, so why not just go for the crux of it all!?) who is apparently so crazy her nickname is "2012". This girl turned up. We hung for a bit. Literally minutes. Then said she had to leave to go to Kid Cudi's studio (i shit you not)... later that night she texts me saying she got my number from ***** and to "call whenever".

I looked the girl up and it is this person who was apparently in Fast and Furious : Tokyo Drift.

http://www.google.com/images?hl=en&client=safari&rls=en&q=nathalie%20kelley&um=1&ie=UTF-8&source=og&sa=N&tab=wi

Tomorrow, at the house we're recording / living in we're having a memorial day BBQ / Pool Party. She's going to come down.

But the truth is, of course, thinking of ++++++ doesn't make me want to kill myself with a knife to the face anymore. BUT now i'm at the point where I'm trying to force myself to like girls, even though I clearly love girls. but truth remains, I don't like anyone at the moment. It's a classic heart and mind scenario.

Now, at some point, remind me to tell you the 'Call of Duty' story then we'll be completely up to date. x"

Blog-Royale May 7

2010-05-07T12:09:00.004-04:00

Blog-Royale April 30

2010-04-30T07:37:00.004-04:00

I'm blogging today for two reasons.

1. Rick Moranis has quit acting.

Maybe you knew this. I didn't. What makes it all the more shocking is that the last film he appeared in (I'm not counting voice acting) actually came out in 1997.

Thirteen years ago!

It was 'Honey We Shrunk Ourselves' and I remember taking it out at Prime Time Video probably that very same year, and since then I haven't once thought "I wonder what Moranis is up to"...I just assumed he'd reached a state of post-peak diminishing returns usually reserved for legends such as Carrey and Williams (Robin, although I could probably say the same for Robbie).

But no, he's gone, having retired very nobly, to look after his children a little while after his wife died. But somewhat ironically, in dedicating his life to his own kids, he's denied any child under thirteen the right to a Rick Moranis film in their life time...sad stuff.

"I'm a single parent and I just found that it was too difficult to manage raising my kids and doing the traveling involved in making movies. So I took a little bit of a break. And the little bit of a break turned into a longer break, and then I found that I really didn't miss it"

There's rumours of a comeback in Ghostbusters 3, which I pray to God sees the light of day. Because nobody should have to go out on a straight to video sequel. That's just low.

I'm looking at you Eugene Levy:

2. New music.

Since Ox.Eagle.Lion.Man went on hiatus last year (after writing but not recording our third record) I've been working on musical material of my own, generally alone, and generally in my bedroom, the room in which I'd wager I've spent 75% of the last eighteen months. I've mentioned some of the comings and goings of this new project on the blog before, but until now, haven't really been happy enough with any of the results to start playing gigs or give it a name or whatever.

But now I'm kind of happy, and there's not going to be a big song and dance...but, well there are going to be big songs actually. And although an album's not 100% written, the 80% that is there is pretty strong. And that's as close as I'll ever get to telling you something I've done is really good, unless I get the chance to one day star in an American Pie spin-off.

Anyway, information and links here as it happens.

MUCH LOVE

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Blog-Royale April 2

2010-04-02T10:25:00.004-04:00

Over the past few months, American Apparel have been touring a 'rummage sale' in which they set up temporary outlet stores and sell items of excess stock with huge discounts. They recently announced that they'd be hosting one of these events on Brick Lane over the Easter Bank Holiday Weekend, selling items from as little as £1, as advertised below:

I don't really know the details, but they had some sort of pre sale-opening today (Friday April 2nd), and somewhere along the line, the following occurred...

Video courtesy of 'AAfailday'.

Blog-Royale March 22

2010-03-21T20:54:00.005-04:00

You may know Eli Roth as one of the world's greatest living Horror directors (Cabin Fever, Hostel, Hostel 2) or more recently as the actor behind the 'Bear Jew' in Tarantino's Inglourious Basterds...but it's less likely that you'll know him as the impassioned and eloquent animal rights activist that he reveals himself to be below.

In the wake of the recent and well reported Orlando Seaworld tragedy, Mr. Roth has written a well informed and touching letter to the president of The Blackstone Group (Seaworld's owners), imploring them to change their policy on killer whales.

Its emotive stuff, and well worth a read...maybe now I'll be able to forgive him for passing on Cabin Fever 2.

March 17, 2010

"Hamilton James
President and COO
The Blackstone Group

Via email:

Dear Mr. James:

I am writing on behalf of my friends at People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA). As you may know, PETA is the world's largest animal rights organization, with more than 2 million members and supporters around the world.

I feel that I speak for many people when I say that while I was deeply saddened and upset by the tragic death of SeaWorld trainer Dawn Brancheau, I was equally appalled and horrified by the conditions in which SeaWorld keeps its orcas (and other marine life) for the sole purpose of entertaining humans. As someone who works in the entertainment business, I can assure you that there are many humane alternatives available to introduce the public to orcas without having to hold them in captivity for a lifetime against their will. CGI technology, animatronics, and other state-of-the-art virtual reality exhibits could be used in place of the current live-animal shows to provide park visitors with an exciting, educational experience. In fact, showing visitors a more realistic version of what life is like for real marine mammals rather than displaying the captive animals' unnatural and repetitive behavior patterns—which are linked to their oppressive environment—is actually more educational, with no risk to human life. Having grown up in Massachusetts, I often went whale watching and cannot stress the impact on me of seeing whales in their natural environment, not cooped up in a tank performing mundane tricks.

The death of a SeaWorld trainer did not have to happen, and I urge you now to please take action so that it does not happen again. Would you please consider moving your captive orcas and other marine mammals to transitional coastal and wildlife sanctuaries now? Not only is it the humane thing to do, it may well also become, in the long run, the most cost-effective thing to do as public sentiment moves away from watching captive animals perform stunts for human amusement.

As you know, Keiko, the orca who starred in the 1993 movie Free Willy, was returned to his native waters in Iceland in September 1998 after many years of captivity in a facility in Mexico City. Keiko spent the last five years of his life in relative freedom, during which he swam from Iceland to Norway, successfully navigating more than 1,000 kilometers of open ocean. Tilikum deserves the same opportunity, and the wildlife experts who worked on Keiko's rehabilitation can and should be called upon to do the same for Tilikum. I have heard people say that Tilikum would die in the wild, but in truth many of us would rather see his life end in the freedom of the wild ocean, rather than spend the rest of his life trapped in a tank being forced to perform humiliating tasks.

Last month's incident, as you know, was not the first time that a trainer has been seized, thrown against the walls of the tank, and held underwater by a frustrated orca. It was far more horrific than anything I ever dreamed up in my horror films. All the violence and suffering in my films is pretend - no one is hurt, ever. Sadly, the same is not true at SeaWorld, which targets their entertainment at families and children. You are sending a far more dangerous message to kids, whose lives would be just as happy and fulfilled without seeing a large intelligent creature jump
around to music for their entertainment, and would probably take a more active interest in protecting whales if they saw them out in the ocean where they belong.

I very respectfully urge the Blackstone Group to immediately proceed with a plan to release the marine mammals at SeaWorld theme parks to sanctuaries that can provide them with a more natural environment.

On behalf of everyone who wants to see whales and dolphins living free in their ocean homes, I thank you for your time and consideration. I would appreciate hearing from you and can be reached through Lisa Lange at PETA at XX.

Sincerely,

Eli Roth"

x x

Blog-Royale March 2

2010-03-02T18:22:00.012-05:00

In my early teens, I had very few ways of finding out about new music. Listening to songs online with a connection speed of 1mb a day proved about as successful as Emerson, Lake and Palmer's 'Love Beach', though on luckier days my brother would manage to download classics along the lines of an instrumental midi version of the Never Ending Story theme.

XFM was always a good option, with Richard Bacon and John Kennedy's shows sticking in my memory, but for some reason our house had little reception outside of AM frequencies, and only one actual radio. So I didn't get to listen as often as I might have liked.

Then there was NME, which I went through years of buying fervently, only to read about bands I'd never heard (and often never would hear), and attempt the crossword in the vain attempt that one day those Virgin Megastore vouchers would be mine... They never were.

But luckily, even when the radio wouldn't tune, and the NME had been read, there was a constant stream of indie/indie-rock/rock-indie flowing via cable, right into my family home, the unparalleled (for a while at least) MTV2.

At the time, Zane Lowe's Gonzo was a daily fixture in the after school slot, replacing Blue Peter perfectly, and playing a mammoth part in my musical upbringing. Later on in the evening, there was the genuinely eclectic 120 minutes, which introduced me to band after band that sounded like nothing I'd ever listened to (aka, nothing like Toploader).

Years later, long after I'd ceased to have cable access, I was lucky enough to end up working at MTV2 (from Summer 2008) as a broadcaster from festivals, gigs, events that no one else was interested in, and then a periodic slot during Gonzo itself. As well as being part of a brilliant revolving team, I met and interviewed many of the inspirational artists that I'd watched on the channel as a kid (I know this sentence is cheesy, and I've attempted re-typing it, but it's just real talk), everyone from Slipknot to Kings of Leon to The Walkmen to Interpol to Mick Foley (!?) to N-Dubz...

And so it was with a heavy heart this Monday morning, that I found out MTV2 was no more. In a seemingly ham fisted and clumsy re-branding, the powers that be have decided to change its name to 'MTV ROCKS', a decision that I can shed no light on whatsoever. Personally, I don't think they could have come up with a more crass title if they'd tried, but maybe the 14 year old me would be into it.

Unfortunately that's not all either. Zane Lowe announced on Twitter this week, that the up and coming series of Gonzo will be his last. This is a decision independent of the name change, but it's a double blow for a channel that (having already got rid of '120 minutes' last year) has less and less to differentiate itself from any other music station filled to the brim with chart guitar hits. Zane Lowe's Gonzo was the jewel in MTV2's crown, leaving a gaping hole that I believe 'MTV ROCKS' will find impossible to fill.

All of this co-incides with me leaving the channel too, but I look back on it with fond memories on both sides of the television screen. We now live in a world where you can find music videos and live shows in seconds online, so it's difficult to see how music television networks will remain relevant in the near future, especially when the only exclusive content they can muster are shows about Kerry Katona being drunk or Lostprophets reading their top 1,000,000 festival anthems off an autocue.

REST IN PEACE.

P.S. Taking the above into account and realising that we maybe need to recognize quality and hang onto it, please sign the petitions below if you believe that BBC Radio 6 and the BBC Asian Network are worth saving.

http://www.avaaz.org/en/save_the_bbc/?rc=fbp&pv=1

http://www.petition.fm/petitions/6musicasiannet/1000/

Or even better, if you have time, email your thoughts on the matter to trust.enquiries@bbc.co.uk

Much love.

Blog-Royale February 26

2010-02-26T09:29:00.003-05:00

99 Gunshot Lane. SW Bang.

Literally amazing. Please watch both to the end.

Much love. x

Blog-Royale February 7

2010-02-07T18:22:00.005-05:00

I've been meaning to share these with you for a while...

My top three Crystal Maze fails -

EDIT: Annoyingly, Channel 4 have disabled anyone embedding any of their content, so once you press play, you'll have to click through to the actual youtube pages to watch these. But it's worth it, especially for the performance in the last thirty seconds of the game in No.2.

3.

2.

1.

x

Blog-Royale January 26

2010-01-26T07:56:00.002-05:00

I never got round to posting Tempa T's 'Next Hype' when it came out last year, but on reflection, it has to be one of 2009's greatest videos.

Equally brilliant are These New Puritans, promoting their heart stopping new album 'Hidden' with a short British tour next week and then a European tour supporting The XX. All the dates are listed below so you have no excuse to miss their trip to your city. I was at the London gig last night, and it was clearly the beginning of a long and triumphant journey for the band.

1 Feb 2010 AUDIO BRIGHTON
2 Feb 2010 HARE AND HOUNDS BIRMINGHAM
3 Feb 2010 DEAF INSTITUTE MANCHESTER
4 Feb 2010 CAPTAINS REST GLASGOW
6 Feb 2010 BRUDNELL SOCIAL CLUB LEEDS
11 Feb 2010 GRAND MIX W/ THE XX LILLE
12 Feb 2010 LA NEF W/ THE XX ANGOULÊME
13 Feb 2010 OLYMPIC W/ THE XX NANTES
14 Feb 2010 MIDI FEST W/ THE XX TOLON
16 Feb 2010 PARADISO W/ THE XX AMSTERDAM
17 Feb 2010 BOTANIQUE W/ THE XX BRUXELLES
18 Feb 2010 LA CIGALLE W/ THE XX PARIS
21 Feb 2010 LAITERIE W/ THE XX STRASBOURG
23 Feb 2010 KIY, BRANCALEONE W/ THE XX ROMA
24 Feb 2010 ? W/ THE XX MILAN
25 Feb 2010 BACKSTAGE WERK W/ THE XX MÜNCHEN
26 Feb 2010 ESSIKFABRIK W/ THE XX KÖLN
1 Mar 2010 Komedia W/ THE XX Brighton
2 Mar 2010 SBE W/ THE XX London
3 Mar 2010 SBE W/ THE XX London
5 Mar 2010 Academy 2 W/ THE XX Birmingham
6 Mar 2010 Academy 2 W/ THE XX Manchester
6 Mar 2010 Academy 2 W/ THE XX Manchester
8 Mar 2010 Stylus W/ THE XX Leeds
9 Mar 2010 Studio 24 W/ THE XX Edinburgh
10 Mar 2010 Razzmataz BARCELONA
11 Mar 2010 Playa Club CORUÑA
12 Mar 2010 Teatre Lloseta MAJORCA

"Par! Now I have to go blind."

Much love x

Blog-Royale January 19

2010-01-19T18:27:00.003-05:00

Hey, just wanted to take a minute to share this with you: A new track accompanied by some "next level visual shit" (as Will I Am would put it) by FAMILY, the musical project of my good friend George Video. A few years back, he made a video for Ox.Eagle.Lion.Man's 'Motherhood', with our friend Sigmund dressed as a half man half crow. Anyway, watch the below and let me know what you think. And if you want to hear more, go to http://www.myspace.com/familychoirs - I recommend 'Emperor'.

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Blog-Royale January 14

2010-01-14T21:55:00.010-05:00

Yo man. Happy new year. Thanks for checking in.
What's up? What's happening? How's 2KX treating you? Mine is a-okay.

Tonight I watched 'The Road' - wow. Although I always feel a bit lame watching films of great books I haven't read...it's almost like going to see Dwayne Johnson's 'Doom' without having ever played the game, or Vin Diesel's 'Quake'. If that doesn't exist, I imagine it's only a matter of time. Pete Postlethwaite's 'Grand Theft Auto IV'? Bob Hoskins' 'Super Mario Bros'? Oh wait...

I'm also currently listening to: Paul McCartney - McCartney II

Reaction: :-o :-o :-o

"some friendly polar bear might want to take you home"

But first, an apology:

I managed to catch an airing of MTV2's 'review of 2009' over the Christmas period, on which I featured, loosely, in what appeared to be a muddied state of fatigue and bewilderment. I wish I had a cool excuse, like mixing alcohol and antibiotics or something...or whatever it is that real indie legends mix. Indie and rave I guess.

Maybe I was thrown by the fact that Noel Fielding is actually funnier than a whole series of Maid Marian and her Merry Men, or maybe I'd just listened to a copy of Paul McCartney's McCartney II on the way to the filming.

"without bogey music, life is incomplete"

Or maybe attempting to dissect a year in music by talking about 'Bonkers' being a good video is pointless. Regardless, I think I came across as the annoying guy on the panel who over thinks everything and uses too many words to conclude nothing. So I'm sorry.

Now the last paragraph should do one of two things.
A: You'll believe that it was just the way I 'came across', and you'll keep imagining me to be as cool as Sean Bean or Basshunter.
B: You won't take any of my shoddy excuses, you'll find me very annoying and you'll either stop reading this now or you'll have never started in the first place.

Whatever. Blogs without pictures aren't cool or fun anyway...so here's some shit I've taken on my phone over the last year or so.

The Camina Burana Camera Phone Collection Part 1.

'Sexism'

'Don't Shoot the Messenger'

'Catchy Name'

'The Gentleman's Choice'

'Dad'

...

And if you want my actual thoughts on 2009 re: music, here they are. Stop me when I start over-thinking things:

British indie music's in a difficult place. Because where once indie meant a lot of guitars and very low production values, it now means far fewer guitars (if any), and very high production values. So at the top of indie's food chain we have artists working with multiple producers, co-writing, and getting top ten hits. Which usually equals

Pop music. And I believe that pop music (or at least a healthy portion of it), is getting better all the time, the world over. My theory is two fold. Part one is that a lot of great songs are being written, or maybe just a lot of songs, meaning the best stuff rises to the surface. When Leona Lewish won X Factor back in 07, I never dreamed she'd end up coming out with anything half as good as 'Bleeding Love' or 'Happy'. Part two of this is that production is now at such a high technical standard across the board, the most effective way of improving it is by making it more interesting. We have a lot of people to thank for this, from Kanye to Damon Albarn to the Neptunes to Paul McCartney (c.1980). Of course the list goes on. And I've realised that I'm slightly happier inhabiting a world where M.I.A and Lady Gaga top the Billboard chart, rather than Britney and Christina, or Kylie and Madonna, or Daphne and Celeste.

But feel free to disagree.

The only sad thing about all of the above, is that the amount of time, money and talent put into pop, means that a lot of 'alternative' or 'independent' artists end up appearing to have far fewer musical ideas than their mainstream counterparts. A real shame.

Luckily though, we still have the Animal Collectives, the Mastodons and the XXs of the world, to keep up their sides of the bargain. I pick these artists as I feel 2009 witnessed them all making brilliant records in their own way and on their own terms.

And let's not forget rap music, one of Britain's largest musical imports, yet tiniest exports. I'm always surprised by the slow rate at which British rap seems to evolve. In the years it's taken Dizzee, Tinchy, Chipmunk et al to trade in grime for 'catchy' RnB esque vocal hooks' (hey, let's call this pop music too), a whole generation of indie has come and gone, Dubstep's risen from the undergrowth and hasn't stopped mutating since, and of course 'bassline' and 'funky' have more than earned their chapters in a future Simon Reynolds book. I reckon the last five to ten years of British dance/electronic music have cultivated some of the most exciting and original young producers of our time. And no, I'm not talking about Fazer from N-Dubz.

So that sort of takes us up to speed with the last few years. But where does it leave the casual music fan? It seems that almost everyone agrees that almost everything is cool, bar potentially Athlete and Paul McCartney (c. 1981 to playing bass on the guy from Travis' solo album, aka now).

2009 saw British top three albums by Take That, The Prodigy, Dizzee Rascal, Muse, White Lies, Kasabian, Tinchy Stryder, Alexandra Berk, JLS. Shall I go on?

Now I could take a risk here, and claim that music has never been more homogenised and cross-pollinated, but why bother? We now have diversity both in and out the charts. Underground and overground.

Hip hip...

Now I haven't got around to writing most of what I wanted to, but I'm tired, so I'll conclude by asking "what does this all mean for a new artist?"

It means you're lucky, because you can do whatever you want, however you want...without worrying about any of history's genre-centric stigma. It's easier to record and share music than ever before, but that doesn't make it any easier to write a good song, or a have a new idea. You'll just have to be ready to wade through a lot of dirty bath water to get to the plug hole that'll drain it. You'll also make less money than ever before, but if that worries you, you're probably in the wrong game. Don't forget though, we're all in this together, and at the end of the day, there are more important things than CD's.

They're called DVD's.

Much love. x x

Blog-Royale January 4

2010-01-04T08:56:00.005-05:00

On rare occasions, crimes are committed that are so heinous, they leave me completely dumbfounded. Below is the first such crime of this new decade.

"Yes this fear's got a Holden me."

Blog-Royale December 11

2009-12-11T08:49:00.006-05:00

On the final night of the My Bloody Valentine curated All Tomorrow's Parties festival last weekend, I was lucky enough to meet two of the Dirty Three (Jim White and Warren Ellis - also of the Bad Seeds and Grinderman) just after their evening performance.

Eating together on one of the few occupied tables in Butlins' genuinely miserable fish and chip shop, they kindly let me take their photo, during which the following short conversation between Warren and I took place -

Me: I really enjoyed your performance tonight.

Warren: Yeah, me too. I was watching an Iggy Pop DVD just before I went onstage.

Me: Can I ask you a question?

Warren: Sure.

Me: How come you always turn your back on the audience when you're playing? I've always been told you should never turn your back on your audience.

Warren: That's funny...I've always been told you should never turn your back on your musicians.

Blog-Royale November 19

2009-11-19T06:47:00.003-05:00

I was just having a conversation on the phone with my friend Gabriel, talking about how songwriting can be really hard, and maybe it's not even worth trying, when he alerted me to the below.

No.1 is a song from David Bowie's 1967 debut 'David Bowie', entitled Sell Me a Coat, and No.2 is an extract from a 1969 film entitled 'Love You till Tuesday', planned as a vehicle to showcase David's talents...Only in 1969, these talents were a little less obvious than they became in the 50 years that followed.

If Sell Me a Coat and When I'm Five is the sound of one of the most superb musicians of the 20th century starting out, then something tells me we're all going to be ok.

I'm so sorry.

Blog-Royale November 4

2009-11-04T07:33:00.008-05:00

Outside of the fact that I've been treating this blog with about as much love and attention as Darren's been giving his new born son in Eastenders (yes I know the bikini Star Wars script read-through post was an all time low), it's actually been a pretty good month.

I suppose I do actually write this blog, so I may as well write about some stuff I've been doing. I mean, isn't that what blogs were invented for? I'm not sure, I'll have to wiki it.

So, stuff that's happened:

Last week I met N-Dubz and interviewed them about how to write a hit single. I can honestly say that Dappy especially was an inspiration, although I don't know if I'm any closer to being able to write a hit single...something about a banging beat?

My friend Alan Pownall had a house party, and some friends and I did our best to turn into a viral sensation via Twitter...more on this HERE.

I went on three dates of the Girls tour and experienced some of the most heart wrenchingly honest music I've heard in years --> listen to their album HERE.

I was lucky enough to see the Dead Weather's Halloween show at Shoreditch Church, and they made a lot more sense to me live than on record.

I saw just over half of Guy Richie's 'Revolver' - could this be one of the lost masterpieces of British cinema? I'm not sure, I'll have to wiki it.

I visited the Pasaje Del Terror at the Trocadero for the second time in my life (easily up there with 'The London Bridge Experience' as London's joint best Horror attraction):

The day before yesterday I had a preview of These New Puritans' second album 'Hidden' and I can honestly say 2010 has it's first incredible record sewn up (details here: www.thesenewpuritans.com).

And, the night before last I met blog legend Luke GK (check him out here: http://blog.atribecallednext.com/ and here: http://www.tropicaltv.co.uk/the-blog/) and chatted to him about Patrick's Toys in Fulham. Have you been there?

BUT, I've been spending the rest of my time working on the new music I first mentioned on this blog back in July/August. I can safely say that an album is 70% written, and now I just need to nail a studio sound that will work with the songs to make them come alive.

In the second week of October I got the chance to go to Berlin with my friend (and old/new band mate) Christopher to work with one of the most psychedelic minds I've ever had the pleasure of coming across, Mr.Gordon Raphael. Below are some photos of our Germanic adventure...Luckily, I didn't take any photos of when we missed our flight on the way there and had to stay overnight at the Gatwick Travelodge (there is no real high with out a real low).

In a hurricane three and a half day session, Gordon helped me see my music in a new way, and I came home with the map and the compass that I hope will guide it out of the wilderness and in to reality.

Have you ever played 'The Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening' on the gameboy? I feel like Link in the (was it first or second) dungeon, just before he finds the power bracelet that allows him to pick up everything and start smashing it. I feel like I'm ready to smash, but don't quite have the exact capabilities I need to do so yet.
Then there's the jumping feather.
The running boots.
The hook shot.
The sword that can shoot stuff.
The flippers to swim.
Etc. Etc.

Life, like computer games, can be quite hard.

More soon. If you're reading, you're supporting, so all the love to you x x.

Blog-Royale October 23

2009-10-22T19:54:00.003-04:00

Twitter-worthy? Maybe. Blog-worthy? Probably not.

Something real coming soon.

Shaolin Britannia.

Blog-Royale October 7

2009-10-07T08:17:00.001-04:00

Blog-Royale September 23

2009-09-23T06:14:00.003-04:00

Some great opinions on file sharing in music. A worthwhile read!

Matt Bellamy to Lily Allen:

Lily,
My current opinion is that file sharing is now the norm. This cannot be changed without an attack on perceived civil liberties which will never go down well. The problem is that the ISPs making the extreme profits (due to millions of broadband subscriptions) are not being taxed by the copyright owners correctly and this is a legislation issue. Radio stations and TV stations etc have to pay the copyright owners (both recording and publishing) a fee for using material they do not own. ISPs should have to pay in the same way with a collection agency like PRS doing the monitoring and calculations based on encoded (but freely downloaded) data. Broadband makes the internet essentially the new broadcaster. This is the point which is being missed.

Also, usage should have a value. Someone who just checks email uses minimal bandwidth, but someone who downloads 1 gig per day uses way more, but at the moment they pay the same. It is clear which user is hitting the creative industries and it is clear which user is not, so for this reason, usage should also be priced accordingly. The end result will be a taxed, monitored ISP based on usage which will ensure both the freedom of the consumer and the rights of the artists - the loser will be the ISP who will probably have to increase subscription costs to compensate, but the user will have the freedom to choose between checking a few emails (which will cost far less than a current monthly subscription) and downloading tons of music and film (which will cost probably a bit more than current subscription, but not that much more).

And Whitey on his blog:

A response to Patrick Wolfs response to Lily Allens Blog...

I have a slightly different view to Patrick. I think that this whole moment is a natural evolutionary extinction. Empires rise and fall, species come and go, there are huge seismic cultural changes going on but- so what. Its natural. Its happened. So- now what?

Yes- sales are as good as dead. But music itself is thriving, and what we have now is the widespread appreciation of music, of all types, by a generation with the greatest free musical banquet in history spread out in front of them.

Sales are dead- but live and ticket sales, merchandise... all healthy and thriving, bigger than before.

There is no point, no matter how well intentioned, to pleading for people to develop a sense of guilt and cease free sharing. I've said before- thats King Canute behaviour. Its too late, the genie is out of the bottle.

The reality is that now, musicians have to go out and play to make money. Your single, or album, is now a 'flyer' for the live experience.

And by living like this, musicans are now returning to the life of a musician, the real life that countless endless musicians lived over and over throughout history, since music was invented. You see, before this brief 'silly money' period of the last 60 years, musicans, like actors, or variety performers, or circus folk- had to go out and perform to survive. And if you wanted to hear it- you went to see it. Thats how it had been since somebody banged two sticks together around a fire.

Thats the real 'norm' of being a musician- thats the truth of it. The last 60 years were an exception to the rule. This is not the end of music- just the end of a strange era within musical history- the Pop era. Things are now going back to normal. To finish, I'll tell you why this may be good:

(1) To do it now, you have to love it.

(2) You will have to suffer to do it. This means the fakes, the opportunists, the fame-hungry empty souls, all no longer have any reason to clog up the air. Evolution is thinning the herd.

This puts the new musicians in the same boat as Leadbelly, or Robert Johnson, or the Jazz purists still carrying a torch since their era ended with the 1950's. Mozart died poor, remember? Basically- now you really have to BE a musician. You will do it because you love music. No frills, no Lear jet, no Ferrari collection. The surreal 20th century party is over.

Sure- moneys nice. But that not why I started, and you wont catch me whining online about my lawyers fees and the fact I cant buy a nice detached house in the country. That was never my mission objective.

I'll end this where I started- evolution:

Survival of the fittest is a powerful evolutionary force- it creates new forms, and it always pushes onwards, upwards.

How can that be a bad thing?

Blog-Royale September 21

2009-09-21T10:10:00.008-04:00

Goodbye Summer:

I will miss you

Actually that's a bit of an overstatement...I don't think there were even any Summer blockbusters this year. All I can remember was Harry Potter and Final Destination 3D.
What the F?
Maybe I should just bite the bullet and watch District Nine.
Even if I did miss Districts 1 - 8.
Bam.

In the place of any brilliant films or life affirming albums (although well done to the xx for making a British record that has actually managed to sell some copies round the world AND be good at the same time) I guess we have had X Factor, which is just about enough of a phenomenon to keep everyone talking to each other for a few weeks. At least in this country.

It's sort of amazing that there's a TV show that's allowed to spend almost half a year essentially doing nothing but advertising itself. Whilst all the while making money from other advertisers paying to advertise after every fifteen minutes of advertising.

Imagine a weekly hour long advert for a new cereal (let's call it 'Misery Flakes') that starts in August...even though the cereal doesn't hit the shelves until late December.

Every week, the show would subtly build up to the launch date with a very simple hour of amusing bullshit. Then, a couple of months in, it would double the helping to two hours of 'Misery Flakes' themed television a weekend. As well as another spin-off show on ITV 2 that would also be serial.

Thanks.

At some point, a telephone vote would be added to help milk (yup) even more money out the show. 'Vote for how nutty you want your flakes'. Or 'how flakey' or just any meaningless question really, because at the end of the day the producers don't give a shit.

The audience is BOWLed over whatever happens.

Enough puns, I'm trying to make a point here.

All the five or so people behind the programme (that brilliantly, isn't even based on their own ideas) have to do is edit the show in a way that makes it SLIGHTLY more exciting than an episode of Lisa Reilly era 'You've Been Framed' and they're guaranteed that come Christmas morning, every family in the damned country will be eating 'Misery Flakes'. However miserable they taste.

Easy.

Now this is starting to sound like a rant, so I'll check myself before I wreck myself.

In my opinion, X Factor is no bad thing. It's the most regulated, well planned, highly detailed and controlled form of pop culture available to us. And so we don't make mistakes (and drink bleach instead of lemonade), we have adults in charge of when and how it's fed to us.

At the end of the day, whether we download a single, vote, or just watch a couple of classic moments on youtube, we're buying in to it. And that's incredible.

With Simon Cowell, our generation has its Andy Warhol, not only someone who understands that everyone will have their fifteen minutes of fame, but someone who can switch it off and on, without even having to really open his mouth.
Someone who can merge art and commerce proudly and well.
Someone who truly understands celebrity and the world's obsession with it, enough to turn it into a business, a conveyor belt, a factory.

Superstars are made. Superstars are unmade.

We all get a spin on the wheel.

Fame. Fortune. Misery. Death.

And with Steve Brookstein, we've had our generation's Edie Sedgewick...when it all goes wrong, Cowell's nowhere to be seen...

Taken from Brookstein's Wikipedia:

"He had won every one of the live shows and still holds the record for the winner with the highest ever votes received in the final - 6 million."

"In August 2005 it was announced that Sony BMG had dropped him from their line-up only eight months after his X Factor victory"

"In 2009 he was working on producing his wife Eileen Hunter's jazz album and performing at smaller, more intimate venues such as the highly regarded 606 Club in Chelsea and Pizza Express in Maidstone."

"Being good in business is the most fascinating kind of art. Making money is art and working is art and good business is the best art." - Warhol

"I've always treated the music business as a business. Whether I'm making TV shows or signing artists, you have to do it by the head and not the heart -- and I run my businesses that way." - Cowell

x

Blog-Royale August 21 (Top 20 Tracks of the Decade)

2009-08-21T07:46:00.008-04:00

Inspired by Pitchforks top 20 tracks of the decade here, I decided to collate my own, just so I can look back and remember that outside of war and terror, the last ten years actually saw a lot of good times. A LOT.

Included at the bottom is a spotify playlist just in case you want to enjoy the memories with me. It contains 18/20 tracks, as for some reason Ben Kweller's 'Wasted & Ready' and Arcade Fire's 'Wake Up' aren't on there...so I included what are probably my 21st and 22nd favourite songs instead.

Big shout outs to Liars and The Rapture and The Blood Brothers and The Yeah Yeah Yeahs and loads of other bands who nearly made it...I'm sure I'll want to change this as soon as I remember all the other cool songs I've forgotten.

Man, this actually got me pretty emotional:

20. Test Icicles - Catch It

19. Tom Vek - Aint Saying My Goodbyes

18. Interpol - NYC

17. Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds - Get Ready for Love

16. Kings of Leon - The Bucket

15. The Vines - Get Free

14. Ben Kweller - Wasted & Ready

13. Linkin Park & Jay Z - Numb/Encore

12. Sum 41 - Fat Lip

11. Outkast - Hey Ya

10. The Strokes - Someday

9. The White Stripes - Hotel Yorba

8. Slipknot - Eyeless

7. The Coral - Dreaming of You

6. Justin Timberlake - Cry Me a River

5. System of a Down - Chop Suey

4. Arcade Fire - Wake Up

3. At The Drive-In - One Armed Scissor

2. The Strokes - Last Nite

1. The Walkmen - The Rat

http://open.spotify.com/user/bloodroyale/playlist/42Q0XeaIAyASndEtnr907E

Much love x x

Blog-Royale August 17

2009-08-16T21:53:00.008-04:00

Recently, at Heathrow airport, I came across a man who I can only describe as looking like a 'guru', surrounded by a small group of people, all staring and listening to him. Even though I had no idea who he was or what he was saying, I felt immediately humbled in his presence, and somehow honoured to be nearby.

There's few people I've met, or even seen, who make me feel that way.
Maybe our generation just lacks respect.

One humbling man I met recently was a Greek Orthodox priest at an acquaintance's engagement party. We talked for a while about the priesthood, the breakdown of community and family values, religious traditions; baptism, last rites etc. And it was really pleasant. I didn't even feel that uneasy when we got on to the subject of hellfire and eternal damnation.
The point at which he started to lose me, was when he informed me that before the fall, Adam and Eve could walk through walls. I was pretty speechless. Apparently, like angels, they were celestial and fleshless, in a state of neither corruption nor incorruption.

Hmmmmmm. I didn't really feel qualified enough to respond.

But as I walked back to the buffet table, I realised that whatever my opinions were, I'd just met a member of a dying breed. Someone with faith in ideas bigger than either of us could really understand. And that left me pretty enamored...regardless of whether God had built walls in the garden of Eden for man and woman to walk through (or not).

I remember that back in '06 I was (un)lucky enough to be at the World Music Awards to witness Michael Jackson's last 'performance' on UK soil. It looked a little something like this.

Having been hyped in advance as the big comeback special, with rumours of a greatest hits set, one off collaborations, return to his dancing peak (etcetera etcetera), this was an incident SO far off the chart of sad and absurd, I simply didn't (and still don't) have a response.
It just left me blank and confused.
Truly dumbfounded.

Maybe he had faith in ideas nobody could understand as well.

And I'm not just talking about 3T.

The only other thing I remember about that night was Chris Brown's run through the Thriller dance routine. Looking back, I'm surprised it wasn't 'Beat It'.

Bear with me...this blog was going somewhere other than that PUNCH line.
I'm sorry, that pun wasn't even intended. Although I guess if that were really true, it wouldn't be in caps lock.

Whatever.

There's nothing in the world I'm more excited about than 'Phrazes for the Young':

Outside of Heathrow gurus, orthodox priests and MJ himself, this is the man who silences me, each and every time.

I don't even have any idea what 'phrazes' are but I don't give a shit...even if you gave me the choice between one more series of the Crystal Maze and this record, my hands would still be tied. Tied to hope.

Seriously, if this album's not a 9/10, I don't even know what I'm going to do with my life.

I mean that.

"Take all your fears, pretend they're all true.
Take all your plans, pretend they fell through.
That's what it's like, that's what it's like...for most people in this world."

- Julian Casblancas, 2009

Blog-Royale July 28

2009-07-28T05:06:00.009-04:00

Age 16 I started a band with my two best friends in the world. That band's name was Les Incompetents.

Here are the facts: We didn't know what we were doing. We loved what we were doing. We listened to the Strokes. Daniel Radcliffe was at our first gig. We played at the club night White Heat a lot. We wrote a song about Kriss Akabusi. We supported Babyshambles and Mystery Jets and it was the happiest I've ever been. We did our best to play to under 18s. People helped us out. Band members came. We never got signed. Band members went. We released two singles, and finally people only started to really care about us when we split up.

Age 19 and a half, I started a band called Ox.Eagle.Lion.Man. I formed it with my friend Shaun, who'd also been in Les Inc.

Here are the facts: We made lots of different styles of music. People got confused. We listened to prog rock. We got confused. We settled on the style that was most popular with us. It was the style least popular with everyone else. A label called Transgressive found us and nurtured us. We released a 7" and then started work on a trilogy of half hour 'opuses'. People thought we were pretentious. Nobody played us on the radio. We toured with The Scare and Lightspeed Champion and made some of the greatest friends in the world. We played live less. We didn't split up. We're not splitting up. Two thirds of our trilogy are released. The final part is ready to record.

Meanwhile, just over a year ago I was offered a job at MTV2. It was an honour, as I had been 14 when my parents first got cable and it was MTV2 in 2002 that (more than anything else) gave me my love of guitar music. I accepted the job. I met Zane Lowe. I realised that it was a TV channel built on the love of music. I was inspired. On the first day working for the channel I interviewed my teen idols Interpol and Kings of Leon. I didn't know what I was doing, but I've never had a day like that again.

I've always written songs and recorded them on the computer, whatever else I've been doing at the time. Late last year, whilst staying in New York, I played a few tracks to my friend Dev and he convinced me to have the confidence to start taking it a bit more seriously. The next day Obama won the US elections and I left the city enthused for myself and enthused for the world.

2009 started and whilst on holiday with my family, I realised that I had to reevaluate my songwriting process and get in touch with what I wanted to do and why. I listened to the Strokes again. I realised that this time, I wanted to make music that could really connect with people.

As Ox.Eagle became more part time I came to terms with not having much real money. Instead of worrying about this too much, I stayed at home and spent the occasional money from MTV2 on cereal, milk, water and bananas. My mum bought me some vitamins and I didn't get ill. I spent everyday writing and recording music in different ways.

I started with guitar and keyboard based demos on Ableton then started sampling directly from vinyl and making tracks out of unrecognisable loops of other peoples music. My friend Caius introduced me to the music of J Dilla, and I soon realised my beats would never be as good as his.

I didn't finish a lot of the tracks I started, and the freedom of sampling, beat making, midi plugins and real life instruments pulled the music in loads of different directions.

Then, a month ago, Michael Jackson died.

And the world seemed a different place. I realised then that we were six months away from the end of the decade, and when it came to music, 2001 - 2003 seemed to have delivered a promise that 2004-2009 just couldn't really keep. Yes we'd been given The Strokes, Arcade Fire, The Walkmen, The White Stripes, Arctic Monkeys, The Mars Volta and a few other brilliant artists, but overall, things felt slow.

Especially in Britain.

I mean I, love Klaxons and The Horrors. I actually love Kasabian...but it seems like America is coughing up another Vampire Weekend or MGMT every week. When are we going to catch up?

On the year anniversary of the day I started work for MTV2, I returned to the Oxegen festival in Ireland as part of the team once again, but this time it seemed different. Although I still felt completely blessed to have been given the opportunity, it dawned on me that there were people out there who'd get so much more out of it, and probably do a better job.

On the final day of the festival I watched The Killers play five classic pop songs in a row...and realised once and for all, that what they were doing, was what I wanted to be doing.

Completely entertained, I watched the crowd ascend into pure euphoria as they finished with 'When You Were Young' and I suddenly felt like the biggest music snob in the world. Who am I to always discount and criticise the music that makes so many thousands of people so happy?

On the way back from Ireland I met Dave Navarro at Heathrow.

This plays no part in the story.

Once home, I started discussed putting together a group to play my new songs with my friend Christopher. He was into the idea and asked me if he could play drums. I asked my brother Fabian if he would play keyboard and he's sort of still sitting on the fence. But I think he's up for it.

A week later, Christopher and I were at Latitude Festival. We watched Pet Shop Boys play 'Its a Sin' and 'Always on my Mind'...

...and our plans were solidified once and for all.

This week I'll be going into the studio to roughly mix home recordings...and group rehearsals are starting soon. If you're ok at playing the guitar, youngish, and might be interested in joining the live band, email me at my old address: (email now removed, thanks everyone who replied!)

So, some of the music is nearly finished, and soon we'll be thinking of a name. In the mean time, we've realised that the internet is a different place to what it was a few years ago. But this doesn't really worry me...I think we're just going to upload stuff when it's ready.

If you want up to date coverage follow twitter.com/bloodroyale where about five times a day I'll say something...probably irrelevant. In truth though, I've come to really value Twitter. People dismiss it as yet another social networking tool, but I think it's quite the opposite. It genuinely feels, at least for now, like an ever-flowing conversation in a river of information and inspiration. And I'd hate for that to stop.

Anyway I've gone on way too long, but I really do look forward to you all hearing this music, and hope it's as enjoyable to listen to, as it has been to make.

Frederick

xxx

(thanks to flickr.com/photos/heardism and flickr.com/photos/devleppard for letting me steal the photos that aren't mine)

Blog-Royale July 8

2009-07-08T09:05:00.005-04:00

I know I haven't been keeping up with this blog as well as I should, but I promise it's because I'm in the midst of working on some stuff that's been taking up pretty much 23 hours of every day. And I've been dividing that final hour between deliberately not watching 'The Wire' just to be different, and preparing a wreath for Jeff Goldblum's memorial service. When what needs to be done is done, well...things will be different.

In the meantime accept my apology below... It's something that my close friend Heardism just informed me of, a collaboration I never knew existed, nor had ever imagined, between Salvador Dali and Walt Disney. I think its beautiful and I wanted to share it with you. And I promise I'll return soon with something as informative as ever.

1ove

Blog-Royale June 5

2009-06-05T06:00:00.002-04:00

So it appears I was wrong.

It IS in fact possible to book three of S Club's original seven members in some sort of low budget student union retromemberance of days gone by. Although, according to their website, you are only applicable to do so if you happen to OWN a club yourself, and it's NOT your birthday.

But surely that's not too much to ask, when this is what you're letting yourself in for...

A: One of the surviving members of 2007's celebrity-racist Big Brother triumvirate, and erstwhile lead singer Jo O'Meara: Now a failed solo star and (failed?) mother in her own right, I can imagine having only more in common with her as time goes by.

2: Bradley Mcintosh...odd considering I thought his solo career was really taking off. If his myspace is to be believed (myspace.com/smokeweedwithmeincoventgarden) then he's not only a singer but also a songwriter...with the recent additions of 'rapper' AND 'producer'. His real talent however, is still being able to look 16, even though he's approaching his mid 30s.

D: The final piece of the puzzle is Paul Cattermole, whose part in the project leaves me genuinely upset. Lest we forget, S Club lost their '7' when he quit back in '02 to return to his welsh numetal band 'Skua'. Although he cited his hatred of commercial music as his key reason for leaving, after two unsigned attempts at real music (see also 'Charlie Bullit' circa '05) he finds himself right back where he started, only minus four companions to share the mic...and the pain.
N.B.: 'In 2003 he moonlighted on drums with a newly reformed Shed 7.'
WTF?

For booking information - get in contact with Lorna who should pass on your offer to their agent Matt. You can do this on the 'contact' page of sclub3.com

"Do NOT use this Form for Fan mail to S Club 3, as it will not be passed on!"

Yes, I'm sure THAT'S the reason S Club 3 aren't getting any fanmail.

Reach.

Blog-Royale May 13

2009-05-13T12:20:00.001-04:00

Last week, a friend of mine made himself quite clear: "Twitter ruined your blog."

He's right of course; cutting up a whole blog post into individual sentences and randomly splattering them every couple of hours or days is a sure fire way to make one's online presence both less interesting AND less amusing...but I'll make it up to you. Or at least I'll try.
How about three blogs in one week?

Let's start in the early hours of Monday 11th May 2009, with a short vignette that I have chosen to entitle:

'My Lowest Ebb'

Foreword: I am not, nor have I ever been, a thief. I never shoplifted. I never gave into teenage peer pressure. I never ran out of Pizza Hut without paying. Nothing. Ever. Never.

End of foreword.

I don't know what time it was exactly, but I remember the sun had started to rise, and we were sat in a service station about two hours out of London, waiting for the RAC pick up truck to turn up, say wassup, pick us up. Fuck.

Why do service stations make Harrods look like poundland? They price themselves in the most arrogant way possible, knowing that the customers have no choice but to pay whatever they ask, because there's literally no alternative.

For anyone who's never felt the road side party vibe before, let me give you a little taste of the menu that seems to remain the same regardless of chain...

Vegetarian Breakfast - £6.99
Traditional Breakfast - £7.99
Full English Breakfast - £9.99

And we are NOT talking quality merchandise here...we are talking, straight out of a can, through a warm tube onto a cold moist plate. Gruel and tripe painted the colour of breakfast. Hunger's favourite colour.

I hadn't eaten in a while. I had five pound coins on me, purloined from an Elvis themed slot machine about seven hours earlier.
Now I knew £5 wasn't going to stretch very far. But I suddenly had this overwhelming sense of rebellion wash over me...like if I didn't beat the system, no one would.

Probably reminiscent of how Keanu Reeves feels in the Matrix...or more likely how Robin Williams feels in Bi-Centennial man. When he finally gains the capacity to feel about a hundred minutes in.

By default, I ordered what I could afford:

Hot Chocolate £2.49
Cinnamon Danish £1.99

"Take a bag for the danish, it's self service", the till assistant informed me.

And on that bombshell she turned around to cobble together the hot chocolate, leaving me in a bright white deserted cafeteria, facing a wall of pastries...
As I looked down at the stale low grade snacks, I realised that I had to think fast.
Here I was, with a pair of metal tongs in one hand, and a paper bag in the other.
Whilst the only member of staff on duty had their back towards me.

Now I know how gravediggers feel when they're left alone with corpses smothered in jewellery.

Temptation.

I reached for the first danish, bagged it up, and after a pause that felt like a lifetime, I reached for a second.

The job was done. Two for the price of one. And I was ready to run. But had I won?

Regret.

She turned around and I suddenly felt like I'd shot a child with a rifle at point blank range.
I was sweating dishonour, and I could swear she smelt it on me.

Humiliation.

Now I don't know if she'd caught my reflection in the shiny surface of the coffee machine, or had heard one too many rustlings, but as she stared into my swindling eyes, I knew I'd been rumbled.

Judgement.

"How many cinnamon danishes was it you said you wanted?", she asked.

"Just the one", I lied, keeping the paper bag well below the counter.

"Just the one?" - I could feel my moral totem beginning to collapse...

"Just the one." I verified. All around me, I could hear lie detectors screaming with laughter.

Silence.

My pathetic life began to flash before my eyes.

"Do you mind if I have a look in the bag?" she asked.

Game, set, and match. I was sure Martin Kemp and the SAS would be arriving any minute.

This was the real money shot. Nowhere to run. Nowhere to hide. I lifted the bag that now seemed to hold the weight of a million stolen pastries, peeling it open to reveal the miserable loot.

"Sorry" I lied, "I must have picked up two by mistake."

"By mistake...I see...So how many is it you're buying?", she replied...showing that she was clearly a lot more used to this shit than I was. I looked around and realised that she hadn't called the manager or the police, or even sprayed Mace in my eyes.

"Erm, yeah it was just the one. Yup, one"

As I tonged out the illegal second danish (I put back the larger of the two in some sort of insignificant act of penitence), she asked for my £4.48 and that was it. I handed over my fiver and walked shamefully out towards the car. The fact that she hadn't even got angry made it all the worse. I just had to live with myself, my attempted robbery, and my lowest ebb.

Blog-Royale March 31

2009-03-31T19:20:00.007-04:00

Firstly a tribute. This man passed away earlier in the month, and I wanted to say a few words about him.

Johnny Rhythm, indie legend, a man without whom so many wonderful things might never have happened. He was responsible for giving my first band 'Les Incompetents' our first ever gig, at the rhythm factory, a venue in Whitechapel that he basically ran for a few years during the peak of the post-Strokes 'new rock revolution' era.
He had a big hand in putting on a lot of the first shows I ever went to, including a good five of the fifteen or so times I saw the Libertines when I was about sixteen. He then continued to make appearances all over London, bringing a boundless energy and humour to venues all over, whether DJing, promoting, or just having a good time.

We sort of lost touch over the last few years, which made the news of his passing all the more sudden. But what it triggered in my memory was that during the years I referenced above - 2003, 2004, 2005, there was a real passion and excitement about music throughout the country. Fair enough, regional music 'scenes' (including London) were often more exciting than the actual bands and songs themselves, but I could swear I felt a slightly higher and more genuine sense of enthusiasm.

And now those days are gone...

Having said that, I guess it can't have been that much of a heyday, because all we were left with was, 'The Coral', 'Up The Bracket' and 'Whatever You Say I Am, That's What I'm Not' plus a couple of good British Sea Power records and potentially the Futureheards' debut. A pretty sorry output compared to 'Is This It', 'Room on Fire', 'Turn on the Bright Lights', 'Antics', 'White Blood Cells', 'Elephant', 'Fever to Tell'. 'Echoes', 'Pawn Shoppe Heart', 'Bows and Arrows' etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.

To cut to the chase, I'm excited about British music again. And I think you should be too. I have faith that 2009 will be the straw that breaks the camel's back. Last month, I heard the Horrors second album. Last week I heard the second Noah and the Whale album. Next week I hear the second Lightspeed Champion album. And it's not just about sophomore works, though I think those will be three killers. In fact, I know they will.

But there's also a tonne of new bands I love. Which is very rare.

Whether it's Loverman, my teenage next door neighbour turned primal lethario of stage and screen:

Or The XX with their grim home made bus depot pop -

Or S.C.U.M, the only slice of London monochrome indie invoking any feelings of real torment and darkness. It probably isn't real, but I don't think it's meant to be. It just makes for an even more stunning and over the top live experience:

Or even Alan Pownall...Richmond's answer to a young Sinatra, and a man who never ceases to provide insightful quips, "You like grunge?", he asks. "Listen to No Doubt".

And of course Video Nasties' debut album 'On All Fours' finally comes out next month, a monolithic teenage celebration, and labour of love, that I've been waiting for for about five years. Check out their series of free album launch shows this month, and I'll post more info on the release as it comes.

I have to sleep now, I'm going on a forsaken trip to Austria in five hours time, but I'll leave you with this track. It became my single of the year on first listen, and I haven't stopped pressing the play button since.
Romantic, sentimental, experimental: essential.
The Big Pink - Velvet.
Wow.

x

Blog-Royale March 18

2009-03-18T17:58:00.005-04:00

Real. Fucking. Life. 2006.

Young Carter, go farther,
Go further, go harder.
Is that not why we came?
And if not, then why bother?

Blog-Royale March 14

2009-03-14T11:07:00.004-04:00

This is a photo of an alluring yet decrepit cinema, three minutes from my house, which having laid dormant for the last three years, is now apparently being semi-demolished only to be turned back in to a cinema in the near future. I wait with baited breath.

I like the cinema. Its like an adult you can really trust. Like when your parents hammer it in to you not to speak to strangers as a child, and you get so worried and scared that you eventually believe everyone who isn't related to you is clearly on the sex offenders register. But then at some point you meet a stranger who changes everything, and you decide that not only can you trust said stranger, but that you'll probably never be able to trust your parents again.

Ever since my friends started working at a couple of cinemas, i've been visiting more regularly and more regularly. And very recently even more regularly.
I guess I look at it less like "I'm a fan of cinema" and more like "I'm a fan of the cinema".
They genuinely don't seem to mind me going almost twice/three times a week, which I am more than happy about, but as a result, it's got to this stage where I barely care what I see. The way I look at it is that watching a film, however bad or good, is like having at least 90 minutes of information injected in to your brain. If you enjoy it because it's good that's a bonus. If you enjoy it because it's bad that's a bonus too.
Either way, you win.
Either way you get to sit in a completely relaxed environment, whether with friends or alone, just aligning yourself with the ideas of the writer/director/actor or whoever before re-connecting with your own life afterwards, very simply.
Nine times out of ten I forget I even have a body.
Which for £7 - £10 is pretty impressive but for free/cheap...why I can think of no better way to spend an afternoon.
My grandfather always used to talk about how he'd go to the cinema three times a week and watch everything from news to cartoons to films to ballet and I never really connected with that idea, but now I fantasize about what it would be like if the cinema was like television and you could drop in and drop out, paying by the hour just to slip off the back of your mind in to someone else's. If instant toilet facilities were provided along with waiter service and a pillow, then I could imagine us all just staying in there for days.
In the last couple of weeks across three cinemas I've been to see Vicky Cristina Barcelona, Anvil, Unborn, Watchmen, Wendy and Lucy, and Surveillance. I would rate all of these above 7/10 with Anvil above 8/10 and Surveillance potentially around the 9 mark. But either way, this isn't meant to be a diatribe about quality cinema, it's about putting the concept before the practical element, and just having faith in enjoying the experience rather than the outcome I guess.

There's no real conclusion.
Maybe the conclusion is - I need to get a real job.

I also like music. This is a photo of Klaxons' secret show at White Heat a few weeks back. I went down because I heard they would be playing new material and wanted to hear it first hand after all the desciptions of the songs that had been given to me seemed to contradict. "Much heavier", were what some people had said, whereas others were talking about "A much lighter ethereal vibe".
"Lighter and heavier?" I thought to myself. Hmmmm.
One song in particular 'Valley of the Calm Trees' stuck in my mind. It felt like the music was starting to hit a newer depth, and I felt positive thoughts about what I believed was the impending album.
But then weeks pass and a few days ago I read THIS.

The record label have apparently intervened meaning that it will clearly be a while longer before anything finalised and concrete appears.

In the meantime, for those of you salivating over second albums, I have had the pleasure of hearing a vast percentage of material from the Horrors 'sophomore effort' as Pitchfork would put it.
Earlier I mentioned Surveillance - Jennifer Lynch's second film. The quality of this album similarly hangs around the 9/10 mark throughout, really stepping things up. After a seemingly rushed debut, I believe that what will soon be with us is already a contender for the record of the year.
I love being proved wrong by bands with a clear vision of what it means to improve and progress.
Keep checking thehorrors.co.uk where come midnight on Monday, we are all in for something special.

Meanwhile, on almost the other side of the world

It seems like everyone has something to bring to the Pasta Party, and at some point, maybe sooner rather than later, I too, shall reveal my dish.

Blog-Royale March 4

2009-03-03T19:09:00.002-05:00

At last, the most exciting British television adaptation since Ted Danson starred in 'Gullivers Travels' on Channel 4....

Epic/ Murder/ Corruption...

YES!

Recently we've had to make do with an episode of Eastenders that namechecked Blood Red Shoes, The Subways and The Others (?!) out of nowhere, a real hit and miss third series of Skins, and various dull awards ceremonies.
To be honest, it hasn't been easy.
At least the 15 minute Pet Shop Boys medley mixed things up a bit.

But getting back to the point, the Red Riding Trilogy really looks like something to get excited about:

And it's happening tomorrow.

Sean Bean has surely made enough of a mark in Hollywood (obviously I'm talking about Goldeneye, Silent Hill and the remake of The Hitcher) to now comfortably return to his rightful home of Thursday night TV set in the North of England, and how's this for a supporting cast... Mark Addy (The Full Monty), Jim Carter (Cranford), Warren Clarke (Dalziel & Pascoe), Paddy Considine (Dead Man’s Shoes), Rebecca Hall (Vicky Cristina Barcelona), Sean Harris (24 Hour Party People), John Henshaw (Early Doors), Gerard Kearns (Shameless), Eddie Marsan (Vera Drake), David Morrissey (The Deal), Daniel Mays (White Girl), Peter Mullan (Boy A), Maxine Peake (Shameless), Saskia Reeves (The Fixer) and Lesley Sharp (Afterlife).

That list of cast members is all very much copied and pasted from elsewhere, and if I'm brutally honest, I have no idea who Saskia Reeves is, nor am I aware of 'Cranford' etc. but the point is, the second I first set eyes on the gargantuan billboard for this series at Tottenham Court Road, I knew we were in for some good and proper homegrown television.

We've talked enough about Brookside and Byker and days gone by.

Let's look to the future.

Speaking of the future, or more specifically the present, you or may not know I spend at least 16% of my time writing lyrics and singing in a band called Ox.Eagle.Lion.Man. Well our broken home of a label, Transgressive, forgot to tell us that the record we finished making towards the end of last year is now in shops. I found out myself, quite by accident, whilst looking for Oxbow CD's in HMV. It turns out they were in the metal section. And we weren't. Merked.

So if you're struggling to find a blog where you can download an illegal mp3 version, by all means go and buy a copy of 'Obscured By A Setting Sun'. I genuinely think it's pretty good.

It may not be as good as this:

But it is at least as good as this:

Aka 4/5.

"Oh I’m just like you...I never hear the bad news."

sic.

Blog-Royale February 18

2009-02-17T20:30:00.000-05:00

Don't get me wrong, as much as MTV Two is going down the pan (see: the death of 120 Minutes, less episodes of Gonzo each year etc), it has been a pleasure being employed by them for the last six/seven months. Not that I had much choice in accepting the job.

See, I did try and get a position as a shop assistant at this place called Behave (Soho branch) that sells Cheap Monday jeans and plaid shirts. I even did a trial day and enjoyed it, and I think the guy who ran it liked my vibe. But then he never called me back. And whenever I rang the shop he seemed to be out.
Harsh.
If you're reading this after googling 'behave soho' and there's ever a job going again. I still want it.

What did I do to let you down?

So, back in the present day, other than interviewing Mick Foley and Irish people, sometimes I have to do these discussion panel shows hosted by Zane Lowe. I say sometimes, I've done one. But it was a great day, sharing screen time with two childhood heroes, Corey Taylor and Carl Barat. Anyway, I've either told you the story before or you saw it. Probably more likely the former, although I think it did make late night TMF.

The long and short of it is that tomorrow another panel show beckons. This time, the 'greatest albums' of the MTV generation (aka post 1981). I don't know about you, but looking down this top ten doesn't really inspire me...

10: Arctic Monkeys - Whatever People Say I Am, Thats What I'm Not

9: Rage Against The Machine - Rage Against The Machine

8: Oasis - Definitely Maybe

7: Pixies - Doolittle

6: The Stone Roses - The Stone Roses

5: The Strokes - Is This It

4: The Smiths - The Queen Is Dead

3: Guns n Roses - Appetite For Destruction

2: Radiohead - OK Computer

1: Nirvana – Nevermind

Yes, some of those are great albums, but surely they're not the best ten since 1981. It seems more like a list that celebrates the ten safest bets that can be talked about for an hour without upsetting too many people. And there's some in there (I won't name names for fear of losing friends) that I hope I never have to listen to again.

Lame.

Where's Nick Cave? Where's Tom Waits? Where's the Mars Volta?
Where's the Liza Minelli/ Pet Shop Boys collab?
I know everyone has their own tastes but I think a truly transcendental album can do more than simply 'change your life'.
Not having enough money on your Oyster card changes your life. But nobody puts that in a top ten list.

Now for something completely different.

This seems to be one of the few British blogs that didn't have a whole week's worth of entries based on the couple of snow-filled days that entered all of our lives the other week. The snow arrived literally over night much to everyone's surprise and delight. I enjoyed it most fully at it's freshest between 12.30AM and 4.30AM on the morning of Monday 2nd February.

I won't boar you with the finer details but my favourite moment (that I will leave you with) was finding this woman lying down in the middle of the road on Redchurch street at about four in the morning. She didn't seem to know where she'd been or where she was going. Nor would she accept our help. She just lay there. Looking at the sky, as the snow fell.

And I thought to myself...

Idiot.

Blog-Royale February 5/6

2009-02-05T19:00:00.003-05:00

Hmmmmm, a proper blog post.
I guess it's about time. Apologies for fobbing you off with youtubes and pictures of Sahil. I can do better. I know I can. Hopefully 09 will prove this.
Or not.
So guys, what's cracking? I've been missing catching up, mainly staying in doors, trying to forecast the coming months. Although I feel I'm doing about as well as Michael Fish circa UK Hurricane '87.

Seen a few films. Been trying to get into a weekly rhythm. Summation:

Slumdog - 7/10
Wrestler - 8/10
Milk - 9/10

Very simple.

I was thinking of doing some decimal point scores but why bother. Let's go straight for the no nonsense nitty gritty. I literally HATE that phrase.
Nitty: Eurgh.
Gritty: Actually I quite like that word.
Considered checking out Frost/Nixon and The Reader but thought, why waste cinema time that could potentially be used for My Bloody Valentine 3D? I mean, if it's anything as good as Scar 3D, it'll be at least half as good as Pirates 4D.

I like those odds.

I turn 22 tomorrow. All the 2s. I like symmetrical ages. Well, I mean I liked 11 as far as I can remember. Goldeneye was a good game. That's all I can picture when I think of Eleven. Hmm. Let's reminisce:

Turok - 7/10
Turok 2 - 8/10
Pefect Dark - 8.5/10
Goldeneye - 9/10

How did that decimal point work out for you? You know there were only 387 games made for the N64. Ever.
Listed here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Nintendo_64_games
That doesn't seem like that many but I guess it's really quite a lot. Although not that much more over one game a day for a whole year.
If someone is up for getting together, taking a year out and getting hold of all 387, I reckon we could complete every single game. One a day.
Although Control on 00Agent would still prove nigh on impossible. And we'd need a lot of 'isotonic' Lucozade sport in the weird malleable cartons.

Now I'm not going to sit here and mention post-modernism, but on a completely un-Nintendo tip...is this a bit weird?

http://itscorykennedy.wordpress.com/2008/11/11/first-of-all/

This girl Cory Kennedy, who I am told is an NY socialite (if there are any vacancies for similar positions, someone let me know...) has a character apparently based on her on the ever more spectacular second series of Gossip Girl. And then blogs about it. There's no real moral to the story. It all just seems a bit much. Sort of leaves me feeling a little Bruce Bogtrotter (Merriweather) post-cake.

If the makers of Heartbeat read this blog and want to base a character on me, I will not be offended. I was thinking something along the lines of Greengrass's cheeky grandson who gets in loads of scrapes but always manages to blag his way out of them, in time to tell Nick Berry everything he needs to know to save the day. Man the 60s were sick up North. Especially for the police.

As I wave goodbye to 21, whilst watching the truly eldritch third series of Skins, I leave you with this.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/fredmacpherson

Every time I get a film developed I will upload 20 photos, however good or shit. Let's start with the time me, Dev and Tom Cruise hung out. Great days.

See you on the flip.

Blog-Royale January 31

2009-01-31T07:25:00.003-05:00

More to say when there's something to be said. In the mean time...some words of advice for up and coming musicians, from our sponsor Dick Dale.

"The winning days are gone."

Blog-Royale January 23

2009-01-22T20:07:00.003-05:00

"It took the night to believe"

Yesterday evening Ox.Eagle.Lion.Man played their first show in over three months, and I was going to tell you a little bit about it...but then I got sent a link to this blog, which I think tells it a damn sight better than I ever could.

If it wasn't for the so-called Miss Glossology's love of Gossip Girl and Kim Taylor Bennett, I'd probably find this transgression a little harder to forgive.

Whatever, it felt good showing our faces up on stage again.
And just doing something.
Too many things have been ending recently.
Firstly, Tony Hart drew his last breath (you like that?) this week, inaugurating himself into the hall of ludicrous (and tragic) television presenter deaths of recent time. And then we had to wave goodbye to the Astoria, the Mean Fiddler, Sin and the Metro Club all in one night. Not only does this eradicate the legendary Indie City but also the Saturday night PUSH Club, once known as FROG, a place that taught me a few things about a few things, and also holds some special memories. None of which I can quite remember right at this moment unfortunately.
Me and Dev DJ'd in the little room on the left during PUSH's last night celebrations...at the request of this fine young man:

A couple of hours after that photo was taken we we played the DJ set of our lives...Sum 41, multiple Libertines songs back to back, TI in to Strokes in to TI in to Strokes, Slipknot...In Bloom, The Rat, the weirdest Glasvegas remix ever, and of course the ten minute YMCA techno remix. I had never been so happy but upset at the same time before.
Except potentially when the Star Wars prequel trilogy finally finished pathetically vomiting itself all over my conscious/subconscious/unconscious.
Anyway, I have a filmsworth of photos of the night I need to develop, and as soon as I do I will open a flickr to tell that and many other (unfulfilling) stories.

Man, 09 feels like it's going to be a weird one. I think I'm interviewing Mick Foley on Saturday. After that, who knows? I guess in the 21st century all anyone has is a laptop and the open road.

At least we've still got Skins Series 3 and the legacy of Madame Tussaud. She died, so we could live:

x

Blog-Royale January 14

2009-01-14T06:13:00.001-05:00

I usually try and avoid blogging just a single track or video, but there was no way I could hold back on this one...

Jamie T has just stepped the fuck up:

Blog-Royale January 9 (Zavvi Memorial Special)

2009-01-09T09:06:00.006-05:00

Watching Zavvi's downfall has been like watching a one legged homicidal maniac with multiple rape convictions try and disguise himself from the police by becoming a tight rope walker at cirque de soleil.

It was just NEVER going to work. But i'm not going to sit here and type about how it clearly failed in everything it set out to do to do. No, that's a given. What IS worthy of note however, is how it failed with such spectacular lack of class.

We could all tell from day one. From the moment they started erecting the gairish and uncomfortable looking signs with their starbucks meets marks and spencers colour scheme...coupled with the ludicrous shop name and the ever more mediocre selection. Within two months of waving goodbye to the legendary Virgin Megatore moniker, it became very clear that the only thing this high street mausoleum would be able to offer us was a very consistent decrease in the cost of the complete 'Friends' dvd box set...no doubt in fixed tandem with the Zavvi share price.

If I was as powerful as Simon Cowell or Alan Sugar I would have bought both the Picadilly Circus and Tottenham Court Road zavvi stores and given them to two teams to try and save the franchise, under two different exciting team names of course. Whoever won would get to keep running both stores and then with the help of the production company (who would have no doubt sold the rights to the tv show for millions and then made further cash from the over priced telephone vote to decide on the winner) could start buying more and more of the flailing Zavvi chain to convert into their shiny new shops, which, having had the free television advertising for a few months, might actually be able to get on with the apparently incredibly difficult task of selling low priced CD's and DVD's without fucking it up royally.

It would be a complete win/ win situation, with the contestants and production company sharing the profits equally, and the general public having at the very least a vaguely entertaining tv show, and at the most a place they could buy the new One Republic album without feeling like they'd just been to Macdonalds.

Either way, it would save me the indignity of going in today and picking up 8 Mile on dvd for £1.59 and most of Beck's back catalogue at £3.99 each, from a shop that seems insistent on parading its own demise by taking a further 10% off listed item price every day. I walked past yesterday when it was 10% off everything and chuckled, I walked past today and it was 20% and I just couldn't keep walking. I had to go in and when I did it was like Berlin at the end of world war two.

They didn't even have '808's and Heartbreak' in stock.

I tried to hold back and only buy one copy of the Box Car Racer album, but what's going to happen if I walk past tomorrow and it's 30% off everything? And what if the next day is 40% or 50% or so on? Are record labels going to go in and buy their best selling albums because it will be cheaper than printing new copies? Are tramps going to just go in and point and laugh because of how cheap Shameless series one is? Am I finally going to give in and buy a Jeremy Warmsley album, because it would work out cheaper than not buying it at all?

Who knows>? If you live in another country then thank your lucky stars, because the future of British high street film and music shopping is looking bleaker than ever?.

HMV, we're relying on you.

"Hold me closer tiny dancer
Count the headlights on the highway
Lay me down in sheets of linen
you had a busy day today"

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Blog-Royale December 25

2008-12-25T08:42:00.002-05:00

They say that as one gets older, each year that passes is a smaller percentage of our total life, and thus life seems to move quicker the more time passes etc.
i.e. when we're 10, a year's worth 10% of the complete amount of time we've lived. Now I'm 21, each year is worth half of that, and I've never felt it more than during 2008.
Christmas Eve 07 doesn't only seem like yesterday, it seems like it only took place a couple of hours ago. Odd. And just as last year I had the sublime 'Tranquilize' as a soundtrack to all festivities...this year I have the following:

A masterpiece? Probably not...but the best Christmas single I've heard in a LONG time. Well the best since Michael Jackson's 'Earth Song', though that's not technically on the theme...but it does namecheck Christ. Sic...

So. Yeah. Time flies and the same things vary slightly: The Killers release another solid tune in December (although I hear Day & Age is a SERIOUS letdown which is a shame as I loved Sam's Town almost as much as I love internet banking)....Eastenders come out with another solid story line. New friends come. Old friends go. There's another My Family special. Everyone agrees that it hasn't been the same since Kris Marshall left. My team wins at Taboo..

We watch Home Alone 1. We watch Home Alone 2.

We don't watch Home Alone 3. We don't watch Home Alone 4.

Yeah. I guess that's just the way it goes. Time flies when you're having fun. And it flies when you're not. I can't really make any predictions about 09. I'll try and let you know what happens when it does. I hope I don't sound depressed or like your dad or something. 08 was nice though. Good films. Good music. Good times.

If you asked me, I'd say here are the top eight records I've heard in 08:

1. The Walkmen - You & Me
2. Vampire Weekend - Vampire Weekend
3. These New Puritans - Beat Pyramid
4. Nick Cave - Dig, Lazarus, Dig!!!
5. The Vines - The Best of The Vines
6. Silver Mt. Zion - 13 Blues for 13 Moons
7. British Sea Power - Do You Like Rock Music?
8. Earth - The Bees Made Honey in the Lion's Skull

And films were probably as good if not better...Another 08 eight:

1. There Will Be Blood
2. The Assassination of Jesse James
3. Harold & Kumar escape from Guantanamo Bay
4. Donkey Punch
5. The Dark Knight
6. Blindness
7. No Country for Old Men
8. The Fall
(9. The Wackness - I haven't seen this just assume it's amazing)

Honourable mentions to The Strangers, La Antenna and Teeth.

NOT: The Happening, The Day the Earth Stood Still, Saw V. And I'm sure there were other culprits that were as bad.

Except in the case of The Happening...there's nothing that has desecrated the Islington Vue as much as that did. Ever. In the history of cinema.
And I hear this December's Will Smith mediocrity of choice is as unfortunate as I Am Legend. The 'Shrek' and 'Bob Marley' scenes are forever engrained in my memory. And Will, as for your son, please keep him away from Hollywood. He makes Keanu Reeves look like Daniel Day Lewis.

Anyway, yeah. More as it happens.
Today I got given Grange Hill Series 1-4, so I look forward to watching the birth of a star in the form of Todd Carty. And Eli Roth's bestowed me with the double masterpiece Hostels 1 + 2, unfortunately not starring Todd Carty. Jareth gave me the triple CD disasterpiece of Emerson, Lake and Palmer's 'Re-Works'. He was right to let a disgruntled Amazon review do the talking:

"I've never written a review before but after buying this I felt I must voice my opinion and warn others of the atrocity called Re-Works.
As a fan of Emerson, Lake and Palmer since the early 70's I have enjoyed all their albums (even the often, and unfairly, criticised 'Love Beach' and 'In the Hot Seat') and would go so far as to give them ALL 5 stars.
Unfortunately this sounds like someone has cut up 10 second slices of ELP tracks, loaded them into a tape loop machine, set the controls to random play and then set off a bunch of cheesy, clichéd drum patterns over the top: result..... 3 CD's of utter crap.
Jeez ! some of the tracks don't even fade out, they just stop in mid beat !
0 stars would be 1 too many. Stay well clear and buy yourself 3 blank CD's instead."

Yeah, I guess that gives you some idea of where we're all at right now...so come see Ox play in January.

BIG KRIM!

.

x!

Blog-Royale December 11

2008-12-11T18:19:00.003-05:00

MY BAD: http://vice.typepad.com/vice_magazine/2008/12/london---an-ind.html

MY GOOD?

Blog-Royale December 4

2008-12-04T19:55:00.003-05:00

I'm quite excited about the week I'm having. It's up there with some of this year's best. I'd probably go as far to say that I'm almost as excited about this week as I am about this album artwork:

I mean I haven't heard it, and I don't really want to, but if I could look 10% this good on an album I'd made. I'd die happy. Even if as a result of some terrible arson attack, committed by relatives that I didn't even like...just so they could claim their stake in my future will.

The day before yesterday, for some reason relating to my recent undertaking of a vacant position as an mtvtwo-bit Summer employee (that then seemed to spill over in to the Autumn and Winter as well) I was invited to join a panel at their studios in Camden to discuss the year we've just had: Known to its close friends as 2008. Well not the year in general, more just the year in music, or even more precisely the year in Indie - always one of my favourite subjects. It was honour enough being given the chance to let off some steam about my favourite and least favourite releases, but when I was coupled with a couple of my teen icons, it made the pudding all the sweeter. Is that a proper phrase?

Sharing my sofa (to my left) was the legendary Corey Taylor, lead singer of Slipknot. I had already had the pleasure of meeting Corey in August of this year in the absence of Slipknot's Reading and Leeds perfomances (see Blog-Royale August 23), but this time it seemed all the more surreal, with him out of his mask, giving opinions on everything from Kanye West's disappointing Thriller remix to These New Puritans videos to Ox.Eagle.Lion.Man's lyrical themes..."Wait a second you write songs about hoofs?".

Opposite us were Nick, the drummer, and arguably wittiest member of the Kaiser Chiefs, and an icon of my teenage years, Carl Barat, core member of a band named The Libertines, who I had the pleasure of seeing 11 times before their demise. I remember reading an issue of the NME aged probably about 16, in which Carl was described as cool because he went round with his belt undone. I think I even blu-tacced that article (along with every other on the band) to my wall. How terribly homo-erotic.

Zane Lowe hosted the discussion, and it was extremely enjoyable being able to call him out on many a contentious issue, whilst Corey came out with classic lines such as "Chris Martin, if you're watching this: Go eat a bag of shit!"

I have a relatively amusing photo of the five of us, but I don't know how I feel about posting it on this blog...yet. Maybe I'll save it for a Christmas special.

I won't do too much more to ruin the programme in advance. It's about forty five minutes long, and if you have access to MTV TWO, make sure you check it out. Okay, it's not the channel it once was. But neither is Challenge TV. I am happy to watch a LOT of re-runs of Takeshi's castle. But every man has his limit.

As I walked through the foyer of the studios to go and peruse the 'pretentious metal' (it's actually labelled that) section of the Camden CD/Vinyl exchange, I noticed Shawn Crahan (aka Slipknot's 'Clown') out the corner of my eye. I may now have mer Corey a few times, but it will be a long time before I have the guts to talk to Slipknot's more intimidating members...especially those who are scarier with their masks OFF...

Seriously though, it's ALL happening at the moment. I got this e-mail yesterday, thanks to my cousin Henry (check his blog HERE):

Anyone who has E4 and has seen the first series of The Inbetweeners (the Thorpe Park episode being a real standout) should have some idea of how excited I am about this prospect. They're looking for people to be in a 'house party episode' OR a 'clubbing in London episode'. Both sound pretty sick to me.

Also, Ox.Eagle.Lion.Man's 'Obscured By A Setting Sun' is out this week for download. The following six tracks for £3.49:

If This Is a Man 3:38
The Road to Damascus 5:51
Thy Will Be Done 5:01
Providence 6:33
Null-O 4:50
100 Days of Penitence 7:41

If you're iTunes habits are anything like mine, I implore you that your £3.49 will be better spent on OELM than single tracks by Imogen Heap, M People and Axwell. I don't really know who that last one is, but 'I Found U' IS a pretty solid tune.

If you don't believe me that Ox is worth it, read the review in the issue of Rocksound that's just come out. I've never actually read a copy until today, but there's actually loads of stuff about music in it...strange for a music magazine. Also if you DO want to buy our new release, but don't really like the idea of ethereal invisible music, feel free to wait a month for the (deluxe?) edition of 'Obscured'. I am assured there will be shiny bits, a poster, and another wonderful cover painting by wiggy artwork extraordinaire Patrick Woodroffe. And yes, on this release we break the seven minute barrier.

Another band who break the seven minute barrier are the Video Nasties. I watched them do so with their modern classic 'Teenage Celebration' at the launch party for their Albatross EP last week at Durrr. I talked about being a big fan in my previous blog, and this show reminded me why I am, with one of the most indie mosh pits I've seen in a long time. Jack Pen8 tearing chunks out of Florence & The Machine's hair. etc. etc.

To get back on a theme that seems to be threatening to take over this whole blog-post, I then actually went to see Slipknot at the Hammersmith Apollo yesterday, for their last night of what will probably be remembered as a pretty epic three day stint. Not only was it one of my gigs of the year, joining Tom Waits and Nick Cave (as well as Vampire Weekend's victorious outdoor Spin party set at SXSW) but I'd probably go as far to say it was one of my top five of all time. It was just so well prepared, right down to the minute details of the animatronic eyebrows on Sid's mask, and the baseball bats that would be thrown to Clown from the side of the stage moments before being needed. The Guardian cynically called it the beginning of the Panto season. But even Dirty Den as Captain Hook didn't have a set list like this:

'Surfacing'
'The Blister Exists'
'Get This'
'Before I Forget'
'Disasterpiece'
'Dead Memories'
'Psychosocial'
'The Heretic Anthem'
'Prosthetics'
'Spit It Out
'Duality'
'Only One'
'People = Shit'
'(sic)'

Okay, if I'd had my way, they would have thrown in maybe 'Left Behind' or 'My Plague' off Iowa or a couple of tracks of the better All Hope Is Gone material, but we were promised more of that on their return to these shores in 2009, and anyway this was truly a show like no other. It was worth it all just to see shit like this:

And bare in mind that's before any music had even started.

'Duality' and 'Psychosocial' were personal standouts, but it was great to see a lot of first album songs being performed, and therefore a whole barrage of nu-metal rapping that I had almost let slip my mind in recent months. This came to its logical conclusion in the middle of 'Spit it out' when the whole (and I mean the WHOLE) audience crouched down on the floor, without even being properly prompted. Having never been brave enough to go and see them earlier on in my life I was by no means ready for the violent jump back up in unison. Just in time for the historic refrain of "Fuck me! I'm all out of enemies!"

Whilst searching flickr for pictures of the show, I stumbled upon this:

Wouldn't you get REALLY pissed off if you covered yourself in Slipknot tattoos only for them to turn up one album later with newer cooler masks. I know I would.

Aaaaaargh. There's so much I wanted to talk about in this blog. I didn't even get a chance to mention The London Bridge Experience that I had the pleasure of last week. But that will be coming soon, along with a review of the new Killers album by Dev. In exchange I will be writing a review of Britney Spears' Circus for his blog. Blog-Royale's best wishes are with Dev, as he has just found out he has nodes on his throat and therefore has to have a gnarly operation and won't be able to sing for two months. As I pointed out to him however, it means he will be able to join the exclusive alumni of the Vocal Nodules wikipedia entry that includes such greats as Davey Havok from AFI, Bert McCracken from The Used, and most importantly Nic Cester from Jet.

Now to let this era of positivity continue. And if you want to join me as I go onward within it: Durrr, the Monday night club mentioned above, that takes place at the soon-to-have-dissapeared End venue near Tottenham Court Road, will be hosting the incredible Simon Bookish on Monday. Whilst consecutively over Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday, if you go to the Soho Theatre at about 9:30, you will be able to catch a rare London performance by this hero of mine:

"Keep on rollin' baby."

Blog-Royale November 25

2008-11-25T08:30:00.000-05:00

"Buy me diamonds and rubies
I'm crazy bout Bentleys
Gucci dresses and drop top kompressors
Wine me and dine me
Bring those platinum rings...

These are a few of my favourite things":

SIMON BOOKISH:

AMAZING COUPLES:

THE NUMBER 3, AND ITS POWER BEING UTILISED FOR GOOD AND EVIL:

THE VIDEO NASTIES:

FACEBOOK LAIRINESS:

ENGLAND'S GREATEST ATTRACTIONS:

keep the faith.

love-royale

x

Blog-Royale November 13

2008-11-13T19:41:00.004-05:00

Hello friends. I'm back in the real world: AKA --> UK, watching an advert for a children's hospital soundtracked by Athlete. How apt.

Anyway (and yes I'm conscious that I barely ever find another word to begin this blog), a short-lived but wonderful duo of trans-Atlantic trips have now come to an end and rendered me cold and poor, a classic combination. But my return has not been without its positivity. It sometimes feels like visiting another city is like holding up a mirror to your own and seeing everything that's actually available. For example, I am now very much excited about this:

www.thelondonbridgeexperience.com

Recently quoted as "The scariest attraction in London". Need I say more?
Who's coming?

Before we hit that however, I want to make sure that everyone goes out and makes the effort to find a copy of the Pix Fanzine, as the November issue has been almost completely compiled, curated, written and designed by Ox.Eagle.Lion.Man.
Real love went in to this, and it's a fanzine in the original sense of the word, and so the articles are simply about what we are fans of. Interviews with those who I was almost to o nervous to speak to...Corey Taylor (Slipknot), Stephen O'Malley (Sunn O))) ) and friends who I have huge respect for...Gabriel Bruce (Loverman) and Faris Badwan (The Horrors). Eddie's put the whole thing together, and it's also a bit of a family affair with his sister and my brother having both contributed articles too. For once I'm not even trying to sell you something, it's free so go and pick it up. It's distributed in various places in London, Paris and New York, and for those who can't get hold of it, we'll be making a full quality pdf downloadable in the next week or so.

I'm at my cousin's house. The MTV Base R&B chart is on in the background. It's taught me two things: The first is that Katy Perry has either never heard Gym Class Heroes, or is in complete denial, as her boyfriend is clearly about a tenth as talented as she is.
The second is that Wiley's 'Summertime' is the oddest thing he's ever done. But that's not necessarily a good thing, and I'm a Wiley fan. I mean, if I sampled 'Bohemian Rhapsody' or 'All You Need Is Love', or even B*Witched's 'C'est la Vie', and sort of half-rapped some pretty lazy lyrics over it, would the kids love me? And quite how he made his video look like the nu-rave episode of skins, but filmed using only the equipment available to the director of Grange Hill during the 80s, is quite beyond me. I am impressed though, but for probably all the wrong reasons.

On another note, it may seem to you that Ox.Eagle.Lion.Man are on some sort of hiatus. As Quarmby pointed out, "I hate us too"...but worry not, although we are not manifesting ourselves in physical form, you are only seventeen days from being able to purchase of our next record via the internet. Although you will not be able to touch or feel it. You will be able to hear it, and see it...well at least see a track listing.

For those who like their music more real than ethereal, I can promise something substantially more physical at the beginning of 09. We just wanted to get the music out there this side of Christmas, but for those of you who either wait or choose to purchase twice (my personal preference) we will hopefully have some sort of limited edition 'package deal'. If that sounds like some sort of dodgy holiday, that's funny, because that's exactly what you'll be getting.

I say funny...it's a little bit funny. Oh God.

xx

Blog-Royale November 5

2008-11-05T01:09:00.000-05:00

I really didn't think it would touch me in this way but fuck...it's sort of deemed all the previous blog and blogs completely arbitrary and pointless. This was one of the most emotional and brilliant things I've ever seen. And I feel proud to have experienced it in America:

"If there is anyone out there who still doubts that America is a place where all things are possible; who still wonders if the dream of our founders is alive in our time; who still questions the power of our democracy, tonight is your answer.

Its the answer told by lines that stretched around schools and churches in numbers this nation has never seen; by people who waited three hours and four hours, many for the very first time in their lives, because they believed that this time must be different; that their voice could be that difference.

Its the answer spoken by young and old, rich and poor, Democrat and Republican, black, white, Latino, Asian, Native American, gay, straight, disabled and not disabled - Americans who sent a message to the world that we have never been a collection of Red States and Blue States: we are, and always will be, the United States of America.

Its the answer that led those who have been told for so long by so many to be cynical, and fearful, and doubtful of what we can achieve to put their hands on the arc of history and bend it once more toward the hope of a better day.

Its been a long time coming, but tonight, because of what we did on this day, in this election, at this defining moment, change has come to America.

I just received a very gracious call from Senator McCain. He fought long and hard in this campaign, and hes fought even longer and harder for the country he loves. He has endured sacrifices for America that most of us cannot begin to imagine, and we are better off for the service rendered by this brave and selfless leader. I congratulate him and Governor Palin for all they have achieved, and I look forward to working with them to renew this nations promise in the months ahead.

I want to thank my partner in this journey, a man who campaigned from his heart and spoke for the men and women he grew up with on the streets of Scranton and rode with on that train home to Delaware, the Vice President-elect of the United States, Joe Biden.

I would not be standing here tonight without the unyielding support of my best friend for the last sixteen years, the rock of our family and the love of my life, our nations next First Lady, Michelle Obama. Sasha and Malia, I love you both so much, and you have earned the new puppy thats coming with us to the White House. And while shes no longer with us, I know my grandmother is watching, along with the family that made me who I am. I miss them tonight, and know that my debt to them is beyond measure.

To my campaign manager David Plouffe, my chief strategist David Axelrod, and the best campaign team ever assembled in the history of politics - you made this happen, and I am forever grateful for what youve sacrificed to get it done.

But above all, I will never forget who this victory truly belongs to - it belongs to you.

I was never the likeliest candidate for this office. We didnt start with much money or many endorsements. Our campaign was not hatched in the halls of Washington - it began in the backyards of Des Moines and the living rooms of Concord and the front porches of Charleston.

It was built by working men and women who dug into what little savings they had to give five dollars and ten dollars and twenty dollars to this cause. It grew strength from the young people who rejected the myth of their generations apathy; who left their homes and their families for jobs that offered little pay and less sleep; from the not-so-young people who braved the bitter cold and scorching heat to knock on the doors of perfect strangers; from the millions of Americans who volunteered, and organized, and proved that more than two centuries later, a government of the people, by the people and for the people has not perished from this Earth. This is your victory.

I know you didnt do this just to win an election and I know you didnt do it for me. You did it because you understand the enormity of the task that lies ahead. For even as we celebrate tonight, we know the challenges that tomorrow will bring are the greatest of our lifetime - two wars, a planet in peril, the worst financial crisis in a century. Even as we stand here tonight, we know there are brave Americans waking up in the deserts of Iraq and the mountains of Afghanistan to risk their lives for us. There are mothers and fathers who will lie awake after their children fall asleep and wonder how theyll make the mortgage, or pay their doctors bills, or save enough for college. There is new energy to harness and new jobs to be created; new schools to build and threats to meet and alliances to repair.

The road ahead will be long. Our climb will be steep. We may not get there in one year or even one term, but America - I have never been more hopeful than I am tonight that we will get there. I promise you - we as a people will get there.

There will be setbacks and false starts. There are many who wont agree with every decision or policy I make as President, and we know that government cant solve every problem. But I will always be honest with you about the challenges we face. I will listen to you, especially when we disagree. And above all, I will ask you join in the work of remaking this nation the only way its been done in America for two-hundred and twenty-one years - block by block, brick by brick, calloused hand by calloused hand.

What began twenty-one months ago in the depths of winter must not end on this autumn night. This victory alone is not the change we seek - it is only the chance for us to make that change. And that cannot happen if we go back to the way things were. It cannot happen without you.

So let us summon a new spirit of patriotism; of service and responsibility where each of us resolves to pitch in and work harder and look after not only ourselves, but each other. Let us remember that if this financial crisis taught us anything, its that we cannot have a thriving Wall Street while Main Street suffers - in this country, we rise or fall as one nation; as one people.

Let us resist the temptation to fall back on the same partisanship and pettiness and immaturity that has poisoned our politics for so long. Let us remember that it was a man from this state who first carried the banner of the Republican Party to the White House - a party founded on the values of self-reliance, individual liberty, and national unity. Those are values we all share, and while the Democratic Party has won a great victory tonight, we do so with a measure of humility and determination to heal the divides that have held back our progress. As Lincoln said to a nation far more divided than ours, We are not enemies, but friendsâ€¦though passion may have strained it must not break our bonds of affection. And to those Americans whose support I have yet to earn - I may not have won your vote, but I hear your voices, I need your help, and I will be your President too.

And to all those watching tonight from beyond our shores, from parliaments and palaces to those who are huddled around radios in the forgotten corners of our world - our stories are singular, but our destiny is shared, and a new dawn of American leadership is at hand. To those who would tear this world down - we will defeat you. To those who seek peace and security - we support you. And to all those who have wondered if Americas beacon still burns as bright - tonight we proved once more that the true strength of our nation comes not from our the might of our arms or the scale of our wealth, but from the enduring power of our ideals: democracy, liberty, opportunity, and unyielding hope.

For that is the true genius of America - that America can change. Our union can be perfected. And what we have already achieved gives us hope for what we can and must achieve tomorrow.

This election had many firsts and many stories that will be told for generations. But one thats on my mind tonight is about a woman who cast her ballot in Atlanta. Shes a lot like the millions of others who stood in line to make their voice heard in this election except for one thing - Ann Nixon Cooper is 106 years old.

She was born just a generation past slavery; a time when there were no cars on the road or planes in the sky; when someone like her couldnt vote for two reasons - because she was a woman and because of the color of her skin.

And tonight, I think about all that shes seen throughout her century in America - the heartache and the hope; the struggle and the progress; the times we were told that we cant, and the people who pressed on with that American creed: Yes we can.

At a time when womens voices were silenced and their hopes dismissed, she lived to see them stand up and speak out and reach for the ballot. Yes we can.

When there was despair in the dust bowl and depression across the land, she saw a nation conquer fear itself with a New Deal, new jobs and a new sense of common purpose. Yes we can.

When the bombs fell on our harbor and tyranny threatened the world, she was there to witness a generation rise to greatness and a democracy was saved. Yes we can.

She was there for the buses in Montgomery, the hoses in Birmingham, a bridge in Selma, and a preacher from Atlanta who told a people that We Shall Overcome. Yes we can.

A man touched down on the moon, a wall came down in Berlin, a world was connected by our own science and imagination. And this year, in this election, she touched her finger to a screen, and cast her vote, because after 106 years in America, through the best of times and the darkest of hours, she knows how America can change. Yes we can.

America, we have come so far. We have seen so much. But there is so much more to do. So tonight, let us ask ourselves - if our children should live to see the next century; if my daughters should be so lucky to live as long as Ann Nixon Cooper, what change will they see? What progress will we have made?

This is our chance to answer that call. This is our moment. This is our time - to put our people back to work and open doors of opportunity for our kids; to restore prosperity and promote the cause of peace; to reclaim the American Dream and reaffirm that fundamental truth - that out of many, we are one; that while we breathe, we hope, and where we are met with cynicism, and doubt, and those who tell us that we cant, we will respond with that timeless creed that sums up the spirit of a people:

Yes We Can. Thank you, God bless you, and may God Bless the United States of America."

Blog-Royale November 4

2008-11-04T21:43:00.000-05:00

THIS BLOG IS UNDER CONSTRUCTION

So I ended up, at very short notice, in New York for Halloween and today...which is apparently the most important day in American history.
Although for regular readers of my blog this trip may sound a little excessive, do not worry...I am NOT squandering the Ox.Eagle.Album.Budget on trans-Atlantic trips.

No, that £5 note is still safely tucked away somewhere in the Transgressive Records offices.

I spent most of today with literally the only John McCain supporter I could find in NYC, a Vietnam veteran who regaled us with stories of how in San Francisco in 1967 hippies had assaulted him. Just because he was wearing his marine uniform. What makes it so much worse is that he was on crutches at the time. I think his story made me hate hippies. I might never even listen to 'Forever Changes' again.

I'm finishing this blog whilst watching the results coming in. Pretty exciting. Like the Eurovision Song Contest. Minus Gina G, Wogan, and the regular transexuals. In the apartment next door there's a 'Hot For Obama' party. They're getting pretty rowdy. Wow.

I'd like to...but I'm definitely NOT going to attempt to wade in to the political debate, especially not on a blog, but props to McCain for going on Saturday Night Live and taking the piss out of himself:

Imagine Gordon Brown getting gunged on 'Get Your Own Back'...Dev says that's a bad metaphor.

Anyway, there are also a few non-political stories I'd like to share about my trip, in no particular order, so will do so under different subheadings. I can only apologise that none of this is in the least bit related to the band, but hey...does art reflect life or does life reflect art? Maybe we can just be content with our lives being our output. I mean, living as an art in itself...does that mean anything at all to you? Thoughts on a Princess Diana postcard to: frederickbloodroyale@gmail.com

TOP 5 CHILDREN'S HALLOWEEN COSTUMES

1. Luigi (no Mario, which made it such a stronger look)
2. Michael Jackson (thriller era, about 12/13 just walking down the street alone, one white glove)
2. Dragon (he fell over, it was so sweet)
3. Chicken (not even old enough to talk, she just seemed confused)
4. Robin (I think he was crying, and no Batman, so again sidekick kudos!)

Believe it or not, none of the below even made the final cut...looking at these sickos shows you how high the competition really was:

BUELLLLLLLLLLEEEEERRR!

Whereas most of the hipster costumes I'd seen in Brooklyn were either abstract comments on the economic situation or people dressed as Sarah Palin/Samantha Ronson, the Manahattan Halloween parade brought out the real shit: One that sticks in my mind was a two metre tall Chewbacca:

Along with the Power Rangers, the Warriors, Barack Obama (along with wife and child), Lil' Wayne complete with all tattoos, scarf and cup...

And my personal favourite, the guy who came as an AT-ST. Aka an All Terrain Scout Transport, one of these:

The reason we'd come to the parade was because a couple of days previously, my brother had sent me this link http://projectbueller.tumblr.com/
Knowing that 'Ferris Bueller's Day Off' was and remains one fifth of my favourite five films of all time, he was right in thinking that I would jump at the chance to see the parade scene re-enacted in full. For those who need their memories jogging:

Whilst it didn't quite kick off in as rowdy or as legendary a manner as one might have hoped, getting to the parade 90 minutes early and walking alongside the float was a real honour. And one i'll never forget. It was definitely the closest I could ever get to being part of John Hughes' imagination. And besides, it definitely beat the 'Witches in Bikinis' float that it followed, a sight that I hope I am never subjected to again, in this life or the next.

"WOLVES IN THE THRONE ROOM? THEY'RE A FUCKING DISGRACE!!!"

Never make the mistake of answering the question of 'so what music are you in to?' when you're very clearly out of your depth.

The day before Halloween, I visited Hospital Productions, a record shop run by Dominick from a well respected noise band named Prurient:

Needless to say I hadn't heard of anything in the whole shop...but we ended up having quite an in-depth discussion about a few things, and he came out with some classics along the lines of:

"Wolves In The Throne Room? They're a FUCKING DISGRACE...if they wanna go and pretend to live in the forest because they're environmentalist hippy fags, then that's fine with me...but if they come here and tell me they're black metal...I'll tell them where to fucking go."

"Southern Lord is a label for music that is about itself."

"Sunn O))) are nothing more than an Earth covers band. And if you hadn't noticed...that's NOT a good thing."

The moral of the story, is that he then convinced me to spend $90 or so on about 6 CD's that I'm pretty sure will either be the worst or best stuff I've ever heard...the next day I had a gathering with a couple of 'friends' and tried to play a track or two from some of the albums:

DEFINITELY not socialising music. Unless you're socialising in hell.

HECKLE AND HIDE

Blood Manor was the second of the two walk-through horror houses I hoped to visit on my trip ('Nightmare: Bad Dreams Come True' literally changed my life --> another story for another blog), but getting there at about midnight on the evening of the day it closed was definitely a mistake. And looking back, I'm man enough to say so. Having not been man or wallet enough to purchase a $45 R.I.P ticket (that's like V.I.P but spooky) in advance, we simply walked up brazenly hoping to be met with open arms. Instead we were met with a queue of Madame Tussaud's back in the day proportions. Literally about two hours long. Probably longer in fact, we stood in it for about fifteen minutes and moved less than fifteen inches.

It's at moments like these, when an idea hasn't exactly gone according to plan, that I will trust the alternative options provided to me by people who ACTUALLY live in the city I am a tourist in. So when my friend Sophie piped up with, "Hey, why don't we go to 'Jekyll and Hydes'?", I was foolish enough to get pretty hopeful. After all, here and her boyfriend look like:

And THIS is what she promised us:

"It's a restaurant with a scary theme"
"You sit at a table in the library"
"All the staff dress up and speak with ye olde English accents"
"Everything on the menu has spooky names"
"Every so often, all the lights go off and then start flashing and skeletons come out and stuff"

Now I can't hammer home enough how much of a lie this all was. Although I guess I did see a 'Frankenstein Burger' on the menu. Chilling.

When we got there we were told that all the scary stuff had stopped half an hour ago, but that "the restrooms are still scary"...we were then sat somewhere that definitely didn't resemble a library but far more so, one of the worst and lowest budget rooms at Ripley's Believe It Or Not. i.e. next to our table was a fake Tuttenkhamun (sp???) head that looked like it was made of polystyrene. Was this the scary theme I'd heard so much about?

Not wanting to seem ungrateful, we didn't complain about the dirty cutlery, or the fact that it took our waiter almost twenty minutes to ask what we wanted. When he did finally arrive, there was definitely no costume, and not only did he not have a fake English accent but didn't even understand our genuine English accents. Alas.

The most offensive point of the meal came when a waitress asked "what have you guys come as?"...we were just wearing our normal clothes. It was the day after Halloween.

SICK OR TREAT

Another incident that ensued (this one with potentially life threatening consequences) happened during stage two of my evening's celebrations on All Hallowed Eve itself. Having gone home to change in to my 'night costume', a $39.99 representation of Jesus Christ, I started walking the twenty or so blocks towards a loft party where my friend was playing a gig. Initially I thought the looks I was getting were of the obligatory "great costume bro!" variety...until mothers with children started crossing the street when I approached. I really wish I'd been wearing my glasses, because it wasn't until this point that I realised I was definitely walking through the wrong part of town: The Jewish Quarter. Dressed as Jesus. On the sabbath.

And Hasidic Jews definitely don't celebrate Halloween.

Now I genuinely love Jesus and so was already worried about offending any Christians that I came across, but I hadn't even thought about the other key monotheistic faiths. The costume was just meant to be a celebration of his life, not a way of causing even more rifts in such an already tumultuous world. But I guess whatever I say, it was definitely my bad, because little did I know that all that stood between the apartment I was staying at and my friend's gig was Jewish family upon Jewish family. Now I see where I went wrong. And so to the Brooklyn Jewish Community of New York City (fingers crossed you read this blog): I apologise.

"king of the juice"

Later on in the night, things really did get a little hairy, and when Jesus hooked up with a mime artist and Mick Thomson from Slipknot, a wrong-turn past a synagogue meant jumping in the first cab we saw and hot footing it out of there. Maybe THIS was the closest I could ever get to being part of John Hughes' imagination.

Let's conclude without concluding: By the time you guys in the UK wake up, the United States of America will have a new president. I don't really know what to say...I hope Lordi win.

Thanks for Dev and Ilirjana for all the photos:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/devleppard

http://www.flickr.com/photos/ilirjana

!