Friday, January 9, 2009

Blog-Royale January 9 (Zavvi Memorial Special)

Watching Zavvi's downfall has been like watching a one legged homicidal maniac with multiple rape convictions try and disguise himself from the police by becoming a tight rope walker at cirque de soleil.

It was just NEVER going to work. But i'm not going to sit here and type about how it clearly failed in everything it set out to do to do. No, that's a given. What IS worthy of note however, is how it failed with such spectacular lack of class.

We could all tell from day one. From the moment they started erecting the gairish and uncomfortable looking signs with their starbucks meets marks and spencers colour scheme...coupled with the ludicrous shop name and the ever more mediocre selection. Within two months of waving goodbye to the legendary Virgin Megatore moniker, it became very clear that the only thing this high street mausoleum would be able to offer us was a very consistent decrease in the cost of the complete 'Friends' dvd box doubt in fixed tandem with the Zavvi share price.

If I was as powerful as Simon Cowell or Alan Sugar I would have bought both the Picadilly Circus and Tottenham Court Road zavvi stores and given them to two teams to try and save the franchise, under two different exciting team names of course. Whoever won would get to keep running both stores and then with the help of the production company (who would have no doubt sold the rights to the tv show for millions and then made further cash from the over priced telephone vote to decide on the winner) could start buying more and more of the flailing Zavvi chain to convert into their shiny new shops, which, having had the free television advertising for a few months, might actually be able to get on with the apparently incredibly difficult task of selling low priced CD's and DVD's without fucking it up royally.

It would be a complete win/ win situation, with the contestants and production company sharing the profits equally, and the general public having at the very least a vaguely entertaining tv show, and at the most a place they could buy the new One Republic album without feeling like they'd just been to Macdonalds.

Either way, it would save me the indignity of going in today and picking up 8 Mile on dvd for £1.59 and most of Beck's back catalogue at £3.99 each, from a shop that seems insistent on parading its own demise by taking a further 10% off listed item price every day. I walked past yesterday when it was 10% off everything and chuckled, I walked past today and it was 20% and I just couldn't keep walking. I had to go in and when I did it was like Berlin at the end of world war two.

They didn't even have '808's and Heartbreak' in stock.

I tried to hold back and only buy one copy of the Box Car Racer album, but what's going to happen if I walk past tomorrow and it's 30% off everything? And what if the next day is 40% or 50% or so on? Are record labels going to go in and buy their best selling albums because it will be cheaper than printing new copies? Are tramps going to just go in and point and laugh because of how cheap Shameless series one is? Am I finally going to give in and buy a Jeremy Warmsley album, because it would work out cheaper than not buying it at all?

Who knows>? If you live in another country then thank your lucky stars, because the future of British high street film and music shopping is looking bleaker than ever?.

HMV, we're relying on you.

"Hold me closer tiny dancer
Count the headlights on the highway
Lay me down in sheets of linen
you had a busy day today"




Julez Schmagoolz said...

hold me closer tony danza.

your new best friend said...

el loco said...

quality post